Bachelor In Paradise – Live Blog and Recap – Episode 5 (VIDEO)
Welcome to the live blog and recap for Episode 5 of Bachelor In Paradise!
The women are still handing out the roses, but only because we never finished last week’s rose ceremony, as Clare stormed off in the middle of the damn thing! So now we have a cliffhanger. Kirk, Dan, Tanner, and Joshua all have roses, but everyone else is still at risk. Will Clare even come back? Or is this it for her time in Paradise?
Also, how much worse will Joe get tonight, now that Samantha (the girl he’s been waiting for) is finally due to arrive in Paradise?
Keep it locked right here, as I’ll be updating at each commercial break with recap, analysis and more. Let’s get this show on the road!
ROSE BEFORE BROS
Clare is a blubbering mess, and Ashley I. makes a note of how Clare probably wanted some of the other guys to go after her, but only Chris Harrison does. “And only because he’s paid to do it,” she rubs in. Tanner thinks Clare needs to either “s*** or get off the pot,” since she could potentially be screwing over another guy if she quits. Clare says she feels like she’s “getting it from every angle,” but Chris convinces her to just ride out the rose ceremony and make a decision on whether or not to leave later.
So we pick up where the rose ceremony left off…
Ashley I. gives her rose to Jared.
Clare gives her rose to JJ.
Juelia gives her rose to Joe, because of course she does.
And like that…MICHAEL, MIKEY T., and JONATHAN are eliminated from BACHELOR IN PARADISE!
In confessionals, Tenley explains that she liked Michael but didn’t feel what he was feeling, and she couldn’t keep him around just because he came for her. Mikey T. and Jonathan, meanwhile, lament how Juelia is getting played. And, sure enough, Joe expresses, in a confessional, how he’s basically just using Juelia to stick around long enough for Samantha to show up, saying that everyone was against him, even his good friend Jonathan. “But rose before bros,” he declares. You know, I can’t decide whether or not hating Joe is fun, or if I just want him gone. I’ll miss Mikey T., for what it’s worth, mostly for his role in the gloriously cheesy 80s-style opening credits (now with bartender Jorge!).
So Samantha arrives in Paradise, and Chris Harrison explains that while she was on Chris Soules’s season of The Bachelor, she hardly had any screen time, and she never even spoke. But Samantha is looking to break out of her shell, and even states that one of the guys she’s most interested in meeting is Joe, who “seems sweet” (HA!). Sure enough, Samantha shows up and hugs Juelia (who apparently considered Samantha her closest friend on Chris’s season), and then turns around and asks Joe out, leaving Juelia utterly devastated. While Joe and Samantha get acquainted, Juelia laments to Carly how she’ll never be able to compete with someone like Samantha. This is made all the more heartbreaking by early clips of Juelia waking up that morning and basically expressing how much in love she is with Joe, and how she’d move across the country to be with him, if necessary.
Joe is put in the hotseat by Jared, who says he heard that he’d been chatting with Samantha before the show. Joe vehemently denies this, although Tanner knows it’s absolute bull. He doesn’t call Joe on it though, since he claims it’s not his fight, and he doesn’t want to get involved. Dude, this is how bad guys keep winning! You gotta call him out on that! It’s not like Joe has any power to send you home whatsoever. It just drives me nuts, because everyone is just letting Joe get away with this, when everyone and their dog is admitting how Juelia is this great girl who doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her. With that said, they can’t really force Juelia to believe that Joe is a jackass if she doesn’t want to believe it. Hell, even when Joe leaves to go on the date with Samantha, Juelia cries about him not comforting her first, as if this is some kind of surprise that he would be this big of a jerk. The other women comfort Juelia as Joe leaves without looking back once. Harsh.
So Joe and Samantha go on their date, a photo shoot with Kate Coyne, the executive editor of PEOPLE Magazine. The photo shoot will focus on “hot bodies” and will appear in the magazine as well as on the official website. This is the first time Joe actually seems nervous, as he seems iffy at the possibility of 40 million people seeing his photos (where he’s getting the 40 million number from is anyone’s guess). Anyway, they take the photos and basically climb all over each other, and coming perilously close to kissing at certain points, causing Joe to “get excited” down below. Joe just wants the cameras to go away so he and Samantha can have some “alone time”, but he inevitably makes some “alone time” of his own by actually kissing her during the shower portion of the photo shoot. They make out hardcore, with some bad porno music playing in the background while Joe states, in a confessional, that kissing Samantha is “an out-of-body experience”. Blech.
Back at Paradise, Juelia is still in tears over how Joe is showing a different side than he showed last night. This is intercut with more of Joe and Samantha making out, with both of them talking in confessionals about how off-the-charts their chemistry is. I feel awful for Juelia, of course, but again, it’s not as if a bunch of people didn’t warn her about this guy. Joe actually takes things a bit farther in the villain department by openly declaring that he doesn’t care what Juelia needs. Now that Samantha is here, he has no intention of even trying to find love with Juelia. Like, at all. Double blech.
RETURN OF THE VILL
Juelia is sickened by the sight of Joe and Julia hand-in-hand, with no consideration of how she might feel. It gets worse when they openly start describing how fun their date was to everybody, and how hot the photo shoot ended up being. Juelia feels Joe is pretending she no longer exists. “I’m an adult woman, and I haven’t experienced something like this since maybe high school,” Juelia states, fighting back tears when stating that she feels she’s being treated like a ghost. “I’ve never felt so disrespected,” she says. And Jared comes to the rescue, basically telling Joe that he NEEDS to talk to Juelia. Like NOW. But Joe doesn’t want to talk to some “Debbie Downer” that will bring him off of his high from his time with Samantha. Jared has no idea why Joe is being like this, saying he’s a stand-up guy, and he knows he didn’t use Juelia for the rose. However, Joe suggests that maybe he was just trying to “vill” (i.e., be a villain). Jared doesn’t believe this, or rather, he doesn’t want to. Because, for some asinine reason, everyone wants to believe the best in Joe. Joshua comes in and vouches for how upset Juelia is, and Joe basically caves and decides to go talk to her, as if being dragged kicking and screaming.
Juelia explains to Joe how disregarded she felt, and Joe doesn’t even look in her general direction the entire time. He listens to everything she has to say, and then thanks her for taking the time to say it, completely ignoring all of her criticisms and just leaving. This opens Juelia’s eyes. She had thought Joe was this innocent, shy guy, but it looks like he’s not so shy anymore. Well, hopefully this is the wake-up call she needs, although I fear it might be too late for her to do anything to improve her situation, unless she can make a connection with someone new before the next rose ceremony. Speaking of which, shouldn’t there be someone else showing up soon?
So Clare is on the phone with someone, and the editing team tries to trick us into thinking it’s the raccoon. I’m telling you, man, Clare’s Raccoon needs to be added to the opening credits!
Meanwhile, Jade’s feelings for Tanner are growing. She claims that what she feels for him now are emotions that are “on the road to falling in love,” and that’s big for her. As for Carly, she’s absolutely over-the-moon about Kirk. She’s really proud of herself for snagging “the hottest guy here,” adding that his abs have abs. Carly then gushes about how attractive he is, wondering why it’s taken him so damn long to come have sex with her. As if on cue, a date card arrives for Carly, and her overjoyed reaction is adorable. In reading the date card, Joshua jokes that she has to “choose someone other than Kirk”. Basically, everyone knows they’re an item, and…well, it’s kind of freaking Kirk out. In a confessional, he states that he came here with the intention of taking his time and weighing his options before making any moves. However, he failed to take his own advice at all, and now he’s feeling stuck with Carly, who is being very vocal about wanting to sleep with him, which is causing him to have mild panic attacks from all the pressure. I don’t blame him, really. We’ve already seen how people (men and women alike) react when the person they feel is theirs begins exploring options.
Back at the bar, Ashley S. gets a counselling session from Jorge, the bartender, who is her therapist, of sorts, on the show. Jorge thinks Dan really likes her, but Ashley S. is getting concerned that he might not feel the same way. Sure enough, a confessional from Dan reveals that he’s having doubts about Ashley S. due to things he’s finding out about her, namely that she’s crazy. Jade feels like it’ll come out sooner or later, so Dan needs to square things with Ashley S., but he’s pretty much stuck with Kirk in the “trapped men” department, with no other options in sight.
That is, until Megan Bell enters the fray. Megan, from Chris Soules’s season, ends up being pretty late for her arrival after getting lost in Mexico, following a delayed flight in Nashville. I have a hard time believing a multimillion dollar production would just let a cast member find Paradise on their own, particularly since cameras are very clearly following her through all of this. That said, I don’t think her absurd “Why is New Mexico called New Mexico?” conversation with the street vendor was staged at all.
THE TROUBLE WITH COMMITMENT
Carly goes on her dinner date with Kirk, and she’s thrilled to finally have her first date in Paradise. And it’s very significant because this is exactly the day her brother, Zack, is getting married in Ireland. Carly think everything will be kosher, as long as Kirk doesn’t break her heart. But Kirk apparently didn’t get the memo, as he starts asking what Carly wants, since he isn’t really sure what she’s looking for. Carly says she’s looking for someone to spend her life with, naturally. In a confessional, Kirk says his and Carly’s relationship has been pretty seamless, but he hasn’t really analyzed whether or not this is something he wants, since he’s recently come out of another relationship before Paradise (then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE, MAN?!). He tells Carly that they’re moving pretty fast, but words it in such a way that it almost sounds like he’s kidding around. Either that, or both he and Carly are laughing to keep the awkwardness from taking over. Whatever it is, both Carly and Kirk are on edge, and nothing is solved.
Speaking of things that aren’t solved, Ashley S. asks Dan about his uncertain feelings, and he admits that while his feelings for Ashley were instant and intense, things have changed. He doesn’t know, largely because of differences in their personalities that have come up. He even states he’s seen red flags that have caused him to start questioning their relationship. Ashley S. still feels like he’s holding back, but he insists he’s being honest. “I want to be 100% confident. I don’t want to have questions,” he declares, making him perhaps the most standup guy here, simply for not stringing Ashley along needlessly. Ashley doesn’t take any of this well though, saying she’d rather just leave Paradise if Dan doesn’t want to be with her, since he’s the person she’s here for. “Right now, the ball’s in your court,” she tells him. In a confessional, Ashley states that she feels she doesn’t even know Dan anymore. “At this point, he’s not the man I literally thought he was. It sucks. It’s like, ‘Alright, I’m good! Bye Felicia!'” Dude, come on, would you rather he just pulled a Joe and just used you for the rose?
Back to Carly and Kirk, as Carly talks about how missing her brother’s wedding was one of the hardest decisions she’s ever had to make. This results in a lovely little moment, in which Carly has a one-on-one phone call with her brother, who is now officially married. Of course, Carly then introduces Kirk, which might trap him even more, now that the family is in on it. However, Kirk reacts differently than I expected, saying that seeing Carly talk to her brother made him realize how real these feelings are, and how silly he’s been to doubt them. Kirk says, “I’m going to ignore my fears,” which seems like kind of a reckless thing to say. But he doesn’t seem to care either way, as he finally decides he’s going to go all the way with Carly. He pays for a “fantasy suite” for the two of them, and Kirk has pulled a total 180. He can’t keep his hands off Carly now, and Carly can’t keep from giggling like a schoolgirl. Okay, I’ve turned the corner. This relationship is absolutely adorable.
Tanner, Jade, Samantha and Joe talk about Dan’s predicament, as Tanner states that with each instance of Ashley S’s craziness, the likelihood increases that he’s going to jump ship.
As if on cue, Megan (from Chris’s season) arrives in Paradise! In between mispronouncing “sombrero” and being freaked out by a crab during her confessional, Megan is mostly worried that all of the women populating paradise means she could be going home as soon as she arrives. But Megan has an advantage: a date card. Dan is stoked to see her, since she’s one of the girls he was interested in meeting. But JJ is turning on the charm by making fun of himself for being unemployed and living at home. So Megan has “a really tough decision” to make. Hell, they’re the only two guys available at the moment, so it’s not as if she can pick anyone else. I mean, she could, but if she’s really as close with Ashley I. as Ashley I. says, then it’s not like she’s going to ask out Jared.
Carly and Kirk wake up the morning after, and their confessionals basically reveal that they’re falling in love with one another, and any doubts that were had are basically gone. And Carly isn’t the only person stoked to be waking up in Paradise, as Megan has made her decision, and is anxious to go on her first date…provided the man she picks is up to the task of treating her right. “I’m a Southern belle, and I expect nothing less than what I deserve,” Megan says, adding that she’s been cheated on in every relationship she’s ever had. So, naturally, she picks the guy notorious for cheating on his wife, JJ. Although, to his credit, JJ has expressed remorse about his mistake at every turn, and he does seem to be trying to move on and do things right this time. The fact that he’s unattached makes him a wild card, which is why it’s so interesting to see how the next rose ceremony will play out. For his part, JJ notes that if a garbage bag had asked him out, he’d have said yes, but the fact that it’s a beautiful blonde? He couldn’t be more excited. And I can’t say I blame him. Maybe Megan isn’t the most intellectually stimulating woman on the planet, but girlfriend is GORGEOUS.
BEING CRUELIA TO JUELIA
So Joe and Samantha are making out in the hot tub in front of everybody, just eating each other’s faces like they’ve each been dosed with aphrodisiacs. Juelia talks about how awkward this is to watch, while Ashley S. states that it’s as if Joe and Samantha have been together for a year. Again, Juelia is in tears, stating that she’s never felt so disrespected. And others in Paradise are pretty damn mad about it. Ashley S. thinks it’s doubly awful because Juelia left her daughter (although, to be fair, whose fault is that?), while Dan thinks Joe is basically a jerk. Coupled with this are images that imply Samantha is giving Joe a handy-j beneath the water. Dude, gross.
It’s heartbreaking to see Juelia in tears when talking with her daughter on the phone. “Come home, mommy!” she says, and Juelia is basically a wreck after this. Juelia, in a confessional, states that she’ll go home if she can’t find love here. She adds that she wants someone to fight for her for once, and I really do feel for her. As does Dan, who decides he wants to be Juelia’s defender. He openly declares that he wants to beat the s*** out of Joe for using Juelia like this, although I hope he recognizes that violence will only get him sent home. Then again, I’m not even sure what his prospects are in Paradise anymore. So maybe just go for it? Sure, you’ll catch an assault charge, but you’ll probably be a hero to every woman wants to see Joe get his.
So while everyone is chilling around the bungalow, Ashley S. calls Joe out for being dishonest. Joe admits he and Samantha talked before the show, but only to talk about who the cast members were going to be on this season of Paradise. Joe vehemently defends his decision in a confessional, saying that he was into Samantha, and he wanted to be with Samantha, so of course he was going to say yes when Samantha asked him out. Ashley S. thinks that what Joe did to Samantha is emotional abuse, although she says this in a confessional, and not to his face, which is part of the problem. People are calling him out, but not really calling him out. For his part, Joe says everyone else just needs to find something else to be upset about and leave him alone. You know, I’m surprised no one is confronting Samantha about this. She shares culpability in this, even if just a small amount.
Dan and Jade talk with Juelia, and they inform her that everyone in the house has her back. Dan wants to get Joe to come talk to Juelia so they can settle this, once and for all, since he doesn’t want to see Juelia lose her friendship with Samantha over this, although why she’d want to save that friendship at all is beyond me. I’m not sure what people are angling for right now. I guess an apology? But he’s not going to suddenly be in love with Juelia and ditch Samantha. Joe is livid when Dan comes to talk to him, saying that he needs to stop sticking his nose in everyone else’s business. Dan counters by saying that he owes Juelia more respect than what he’s shown, so Joe begrudgingly goes with Dan to go talk to Juelia. However, in a confessional, he chalks up all of this animosity to jealousy, saying that all the other guys in Paradise are simply mad that Samantha chose him without giving any of them a second look. Well, that’s needlessly reductive. Jared makes a good point when he tells Tanner that Joe wouldn’t be having these problems if he’d just own up to what he was doing. I really don’t know why Joe is so committed to being a villain. Just apologize to Juelia, man, and move on.
So Juelia tells Joe he wasn’t 100% honest with her, which seems to surprise him. He admits that he messaged with Samantha before the show, so Juelia calls him out for using her for her rose, simply to stick around long enough to meet Samantha. Joe wants to know how he supposedly used her, to which Joe replies that it wasn’t that he used her, it’s just that he had a better connection with Samantha. Joe feels this has all been blown out of proportion by individuals who are minding other’s relationships rather than their own. Juelia says that all of the people in the bungalow have told her that Joe was waiting for Samantha, to which Joe condescendingly states that they didn’t, that they couldn’t have. So Juelia decides this conversation is over, and that she needs to tell Samantha what Joe is really like, in order to protect her friend’s heart. This gets Joe squirming, as he now officially apologizes to Juelia, saying that if she felt he played her, he’s truly sorry. Dan is amused by Joe’s backpedaling, which is made all the more urgent by the arrival of Samantha to the conversation. Samantha has no idea what’s going on, prompting her to ask Juelia if they should talk. Juelia agrees, and takes Samantha aside to discuss what Joe is truly like. And now, Joe is losing it, cursing up a storm and saying he might lose the best girl he’ll ever have all because people are jealous. Somehow, I don’t expect Samantha is going to be that phased by what Juelia tells her.
That’s a wrap on tonight’s episode! What did you think of tonight’s Bachelor In Paradise? Sound off in the comments!
And for more on Bachelor In Paradise, check out our recap of last week’s dramatic episode!
And check out the preview for tomorrow night’s episode below:
Until next time, thank you for reading!