Bachelor In Paradise – Live Blog and Recap – Episode 2 (VIDEO)
Welcome to the live blog and recap for Night 2 of the season premiere of Bachelor In Paradise!
So we’re picking up after last night’s crazy episode, where Ashley I. — who brought here freaking SISTER to Paradise — went on a date with Jared, but remains in constant fear that Jared is going to be plucked away from her at any moment. And she might not be wrong, as Clare Crawley arrived in the closing moments of last night’s episode, and she’s got her sights not only set on Jared, but on the other two guys who are currently spoken for: Tanner (who is all about Jade) and Kirk (who has a good thing going with Carly).
What will happen when Clare arrives? And who will go home on the first rose ceremony of the season? The guys are the ones in control of the roses this week, so it should be an interesting night.
Keep it locked right here, as I’ll be updating at each commercial break with recap, analysis and more. Let’s get this show on the road!
So Clare is here, and she discovers she’s walked into a high school situation where everyone has seemingly already paired off. Jared is with Ashley I., Dan is with Ashley S. (who apparently hasn’t been medically evacuated from Paradise after all), Kirk is with Carly, and it appears Jonathan has a thing going with Juelia. So that leaves Clare with the bountiful choice of either Mikey T. or JJ — and to say she isn’t thrilled about either choice really undersells how disappointed she is to find all the guys she wanted already taken. And when you consider how obsessed Mikey T. is with Lauren, Clare is probably going to be stuck with JJ. Then again, all is fair in love and Paradise, so it’s not like she couldn’t just swoop in and steal a guy. Hell, how committed to one another could any of these couples really be, in such a short time? If nothing else, I could see her coaxing Jared away from Ashley I., who doesn’t seem to inspire a whole lot of passion in ol’ Love Man. Of course, I’m so focused on the possibilities of Clare’s arrival that I’ve almost completely overlooked her outrageous tet-a-tet with a crab. Seriously, between this and the raccoon last season, what is it with Clare and random island creatures?
Anyway, the next morning, each of the girls is nervous Clare is going to take her man. However, Mikey T. quickly neutralizes the problem by taking Clare aside and expressing his interest in her directly. While Clare says she isn’t normally into meatheads (what IS it with the meathead prejudice this season?), she’s really taken by Mikey stepping up and taking the initiative, particularly when he admits he’s always had a bit of a “schoolboy crush” on her. But the date itself isn’t exactly what Clare expected: she wanted to go on a zipline or swim in a shark tank or ride on a dinosaur’s back. Unfortunately for Clare, the date ends up being TANTRIC YOGA.
Yes, it’s a super sexual date worthy of that awkward intimacy date between Chris and Whitney on The Bachelor last season. Or was it Carly? There were an awful lot of blondes that season. But I digress, as Clare is initially concerned that she and Mikey will have to touch “priveys” on their first date. Who in the red, rugged the hell calls it that?
Mikey is super into Clare, and seems to be getting a whole lot of enjoyment out of this yoga session, particularly the “Downward Clare” position. They retreat to the hot springs and Mikey basically lays it all out, telling Clare how attracted he is to her, and how badly he wants to kiss her. He comes perilously close to pulling a Cody from last season, as it appears the more buff you are, the more aggressively you go after the person you want. Clare shuts him down when he asks about a kiss, but does so delicately, stating she wants to get to know him better. She also doesn’t want to give him the wrong impression about why she’s returned to Paradise, although I don’t know why Clare would come back and expect her Paradise experience to be any different. Marcus and Lacy’s marriage notwithstanding, Paradise seems like an absolutely terrible place to find lasting love.
TENLEY THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
So everybody is hanging out in the pool, laughing and drinking and generally just having a great time. Tenley is all giggles on the sidelines as the others implore her to come in. Tenley is hoping for a date card, since she’s finding it hard to find an in-road when everyone has already paired off. Unfortunately, the date card goes to Ashley S., which annoys the hell out of Tenley, since Ashley S. already has Dan. Here’s a hint, Tenley. Maybe you’ll make a connection if you actually hang out with everyone else, rather than chilling at the canopy while everyone is in the pool.
But onto the date, Ashley S. and Dan go to dinner, and she’s already really taken by him. She states she isn’t sure if he makes her feel like a woman or a girl, but she likes it regardless. In a moment that throws Chris Soules under the bus somewhat, Ashley S. declares that this is the first time in years she’s been on a date with a guy she really liked. Ashley S., sending’em to the burn ward!
Naturally, Tenley is still moping around Paradise, complaining about how her age paints her as a cougar. Mikey T. drops in with the moral support, saying she isn’t a cougar, but a hot young woman. (Is it just me, or is Mikey T. really coming across like a cool, stand-up guy?) However, Tenley isn’t entirely convinced she isn’t going to end up alone, particularly now that all the roses seem spoken for. Then again, nothing is certain, as Jared goes wandering off while Ashley I. gets drunk because she’s too nervous to actually talk to this guy she likes. Second verse, same as the first, I guess. Hopefully this doesn’t mean tonight becomes The I. Sisters Variety Hour again.
So now we descend into drama territory: Ashley I. takes Jared aside to talk to him about how awkward things have been, but it’s Tenley whose behavior irks the hell out of me. She breaks down into tears when talking about how nothing seems to be going her way, that she feels no vibe or spark with anyone so far. Then, in a positively obnoxious moment, Tenley openly admits that she doesn’t want to have to work for a connection. THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?! Seriously, it drives me nuts when people expect things to just fall into their laps without putting the work in. Yes, Tenley is gorgeous, but that shouldn’t absolve a person from trying to make connections of her own.
But back to Ashley I., as she confesses how into Jared she is, and how worried she is that he’s going to get stolen by some other woman. Jared seems flattered but also a bit overwhelmed, as he says he’s never been in a situation like this. He states that he’s open to everyone in Paradise, which Ashley I. doesn’t take well. They just sit there awkwardly, which seems to be a running theme with Ashley I. — well, that and then complaining to her sister afterwards, as she states that she doesn’t have boobs as big as the other girls. Lauren just wants her sister to find a man who will treat her like a woman, even though her pep talk includes admitting that neither of them are likely to get a rose. Thanks, Lauren.
THE AWK-TAIL PARTY
And now, the world’s most awkward cocktail party, as JJ kicks off the night by bragging about how good it feels to have all the power. He gets to decide the women’s fate, and they all have to fall at his feet. It’s a creepy little speech, and it’d be best for JJ to keep those sorts of thoughts to himself, lest he find himself without a rose once the tables turn next week. To his credit, he seems to recognize how fleeting this power is, which is why he’s indulging it so much. Lord knows, this is the only way JJ is going to get to hand out roses. I mean, out of the guys of Kaitlyn’s season, I’d think Ian would be The Bachelor before him (it’s totally Ben H. though, right?).
Ashley I. declares that if she doesn’t get a rose, then that means Lauren isn’t getting a rose either, which means this would be “the most shocking thing to ever happen.” Honestly, the iSisters going out this early would be pretty shocking, if only because they seem like a producer’s dream pair. Anyway, the desperation game kicks in, as the three girls on the outs — Tenley, Jillian and Ashley I. — recognize that it’s JJ’s rose that’s up for grabs. So Jillian immediately takes JJ aside to butter him up, since they apparently made out the night before. Tenley quickly follows suit by taking JJ aside and giving him permission to makeout with her. Meanwhile, Ashley I. just bypasses the whole JJ issue and takes Jared aside to once again reiterate how into him she is, and apologize for how awkward she’s been. Jared says Ashley I. doesn’t give herself enough credit, stating that he’s been far more awkward himself, and that she’s been an awesome girl this whole time. It seems like things are really starting to take off between Ashley I. and Jared, but then Clare enters the picture, and…well…
Clare and Jared have a long conversation in which he outright promises her his rose if she doesn’t have one by the time his name is called. Ashley I. is absolutely devastated to find out Jared and Clare are talking, and while I’m uncertain if she overheard Jared promise Clare the rose, it seems she’d have likely assumed he offered it to her anyway, since Ashley I. immediately tears up and openly wonders if Paradise is the right place for her. And I’m thinking she’s probably right. Not even “probably”, if I’m being honest. You’d think from their respectively bubbly personalities that this would be the ideal setting for the iSisters to have fun, but nope. No dice.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
So the rose ceremony goes exactly as you’d expect.
Tanner gives his rose to Jade.
Kirk gives his rose to Carly.
Dan gives his rose to Ashley S.
Jonathan gives his rose to Jeulia
Mikey is up next, and he gives his rose to Clare, although Clare doesn’t exactly seem thrilled about it, since she feels Mikey isn’t “picking up what I’m putting down.” I guess she’s trying to friendzone him or something? But I’m not sure. I mean, the friendzone is kind of a B.S. construct anyway, invented by dudes who can’t take “no” for an answer. So maybe it’s something else.
Jared is up now, and he spares Ashley I. the drama by giving her his rose. And the look of relief on her face is a sight in itself. Hopefully, now she can stop obsessing over whether or not the dude is even remotely into her or not. Then again, it could just be that he didn’t have as many options once Clare got her rose. Either way, it could be worse, Ashley I., so let’s all just take a deep breath.
Anyway, JJ is the final rose of the evening, and it’s down to Jillian and Tenley. For his part, JJ is genuinely conflicted about the choice he has to make. But he finally bites the bullet and makes his choice…
JJ CHOOSES TENLEY!
And with that, Jillian is the odd woman out.
JILLIAN IS ELIMINATED FROM BACHELOR IN PARADISE!
I can’t say I’m surprised, since Jillian had almost zero screentime relative to everyone else. Still, I sympathized with her on her speech about how depressing it is to think about her flight home criss-crossing those who are just arriving in Paradise.
That’s a wrap on tonight’s episode! What did you think of night two of the season premiere of Bachelor In Paradise? Sound off in the comments! (And check out a preview for the season ahead below)
And for more on Bachelor In Paradise, check out last night’s in-depth recap of the season premiere with videos of the big events!