What’s On TV Tonight? – 11/01/2012

Tonight’s list is by no means comprehensive, but provided below is a sizable sampling of some of the bigger televised offerings of the night, for better or worse; from shows we cover, to events that only come around once a year.

Credit: ABC

8:00 PM EST

The 46th Annual CMA Awards “Country music’s biggest night” airs live from Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tennessee, with performances by Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Jason Aldean, Dierks Bentley, Kelly Clarkson and Little Big Town. Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood host, and all I can do is wonder why Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood haven’t cut a track together. I’m seriously struggling to imagine how that wouldn’t be great. (ABC)

The Voice (“The Knockouts, Part 1″) – NBC is reairing Monday’s Knockout round for the benefit of those who missed out when Hurricane Sandy decided to make a scene instead of just going quietly. While it’s unfortunately true that there’s no Dez Duron in this episode, there’s plenty of “first names masquerading as last names” action to go around, if Bryan Keith and Nicholas David are any indication. (NBC)

The Big Bang Theory (“The Extract Obliteration”) – A game threatens Sheldon’s relationship with Stephen Hawking; Penny secretly signs up for a college class. Maybe she can hit up Shannen Doherty for advice on test-driving a real college course. (CBS)

MTV First (“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part II”) – MTV hosts a special ten-minute preview of the conclusion to the vampires-and-werewolves saga, and I suppose you could find

The X Factor Sixteen acts become twelve, and I struggle to see how FOX justifies a two-hour runtime. I love The X Factor more than most, but that’s a whole hell of a lot of filler to get rid of four people, sing-offs included. Still, I’ll be there with bells on in the live blog, for better or worse. (FOX)

The Vampire Diaries (“The Five”) – Damon accompanies Elena and Bonnie on a trip to Whitmore College; Rebekah reveals information that stuns Stefan; during a costume party, Damon teaches Elena how to choose a victim. Because, of course, a party. (The CW)

8:30 PM EST

Two and a Half Men (“Ferrets, Attack!”) – Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose. I suggest dating an amalgam of the two called Zose. Or Roey. Whichever one works. I just like stapling names together. (CBS)

9:00 PM EST

Beauty and the Beast (“Basic Instinct”) – The freshman drama continues its gradual limp towards competency with an episode that, unfortunately, isn’t a shot-for-shot homage to the 1992 Sharon Stone vehicle. Instead, it follows Vincent as he revives a teenage boy who was left in a dumpster while Silverfox and his agents offer Cat information about her mother in exchange for the beefcake beast (who I’m just going to star calling a “Beastcake,” because it sounds like something Little Debbie would probably market). (The CW)

Person of Interest (“Bury the Lede”) – Reese must surreptitiously protect an investigative reporter without becoming a part of her story. And now I’m suddenly in the mood for peanut butter cups. Guess it’s off to Rite-Aid to avail them of their excess Halloween stock for pennies on the dollar. (CBS)

Project Runway All Stars (“Put on Your Dancing Shoes”) – The designers must recreate a 1970s disco-style look using Nine West shoes as their inspiration. Better than using Kanye West as inspiration, or these contestants will have to make a brief stopover at the CMAs to give Taylor Swift a hard time. (Lifetime)

The Real Housewives of Miami (“Conflicting Conflict”) – Lea enlists the help of a psychic to change the negative energy to positive; Marysol visits Ana to discuss divorce. I scratch my head in disbelief at having encountered such a spelling of the name “Marisol” for the first time in my life. (Bravo)

10:00 PM EST

Elementary (“Lesser Evils”) – Sherlock tracks the person who has been killing terminal patients at a hospital but making it look like they died of natural causes; more information on Watson’s decision to end her surgical career is revealed. Glad to see we’ll be getting some more on Watson’s past, even though Holmes more or less deduced a sizable chunk of it in the pilot just to prove a point. Or to be a dick. Depends on who you ask. (CBS)

Jersey Shore (“Great Meatballs of Fire”) – Mike is confused by relationship rules; Deena goes back to her meatball ways. I have no idea what that means, and I’m too scared to find out. (MTV)

NICK’S PICK: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (“Charlie and Dee Find Love”) – When Charlie and Dee invade the world of the wealthy, they find romance within, but Mac, Dennis, and Frank try to get in on the action. So…in a hopeless place then? (FX)

LATE NIGHT

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart has Journalist Bob Woodruff. (11:00 PM EST, Comedy Central)

Conan has John C. Reilly; Casey Wilson; Cory Chisel. (11:00 PM EST, TBS)

Chelsea Lately has Jane Lynch; Mo Mandel; April Richardson; Chris Hardwick. (11:00 PM EST, E!)

The Colbert Report fits Senator Al Simpson back on its schedule after Hurricane Sandy bumped his Monday appearance. (11:30 PM EST, Comedy Central)

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno welcomes Actress Jamie Lee Curtis; professional baseball players Barry Zito and Sergio Romo; ZZ Ward performs. (11:35 PM EST, NBC)

It’s basically Aerosmith Night on The Late Show with David Letterman, as Dave welcomes guests Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, with music from (who else?) Aerosmith. (11:35 PM EST, CBS)

Jimmy Kimmel Live! features TV hosts Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert; The Avett Brothers perform with the Brooklyn Philharmonic. (12:00 AM EST, ABC)

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson has Actor Joel McHale; chef Alton Brown. (12:35 AM EST, CBS)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon has Louis C.K.; producer RZA; chef David Chang. (12:35 AM EST, NBC)