The season 5 premiere of True Blood, “Turn! Turn! Turn!” opens just a few minutes prior to the end of last season’s finale. It’s a bit of a mini-recap. Sookie (Anna Paquin) arrives home, and is immediately confronted by a psychopathic Debbie Pelt (Brit Morgan), who inadvertently blows off half of Tara’s head. Tara (Rutina Wesley), who sacrificed herself to save her best friend, lays dying in Sookie’s arms. In the meantime, we catch glimpses of Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) cleaning up the mess that resulted from the explosive death of Nan. Bill says his goodbyes to Jessica just before hearing Sookie’s cries for help. Eric is angry, and urges Bill to let her go, as she did them. Inevitably, Bill attempts to run to her rescue, and Eric follows. Instead, they end up netted by the vampire authority.
Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) arises to the noise of the gunshot, and rushes downstairs to Sookie’s cries. They hopelessly attempt to revive Tara, who is missing half of her head. In a fortunate series of events, Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) shows up looking for Eric. If there’s anything that was made clear by this episode, it’s that this is finally the season of Pam. Five minutes into the episode, we already have the best line.
Pam: “Color me impressed. You guys know how to party.”
Two varieties of splattered brains on one kitchen floor is the vampire equivalent of two piñatas at a children’s party. Lafayette pleads with Pam to turn Tara, but Pam doesn’t even like Tara. Sookie, who is at first opposed to the idea, is convinced by Lafayette, and agrees to cut Pam a deal. She’ll owe Pam a favor, and she’ll help mend fences between Pam and Eric. Pam agrees, but warns them that with half a brain missing, Tara could come back twisted. This makes perfect sense, but they could care less.
Next, we find Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) dealing with the spontaneous arrival of Reverend Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian), a newly turned vampire. Jason doesn’t want to let him in. As Jason puts it, his fangs are like “twin hard-ons.” The Reverend glamours Jason into letting him inside, then removes part of the coercion, so Jason can hear what he has to say with a somewhat open mind. He tapes Jason’s mouth shut, but asks Jason that he remembers that he asked for it. Long story short, Steve wasn’t upset that his wife slept with Jason a few seasons ago. Instead, he is upset that Jason slept with his wife. Yes, he has realized he’s “a gay vampire American,” and he’s in love with Jason. Jason is flattered, but absolutely not gay. He does mention that Steve’s “I love you” was the nicest he’s ever received. Thankfully, just before the Reverend can get rough with Jason, Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) storms in to save the day, claiming him as her own. With a new vampire queen mentality, due to the absence of King Bill, Jason and Jessica get rid of Reverend Steve, at least for now.
In the meantime, Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) is surrounded by a pack of unfamiliar wolves, who end up being the pack of fallen wolf leader Marcus, the guy Alcide (Joe Manganiello) killed in last season’s finale. He shifts into a bird, and flies the coop faster than a bat out of Hell. We soon find he has flown to Luna’s (Janina Gavankar) house, to warn her to get out of town with her daughter, Emma. Too late, the scary she-wolf from the prior scene arrives to warn them that if Sam doesn’t go easily, they’ll hurt Luna’s daughter. They think Sam killed Marcus, not Alcide, but Sam will not sell him out. Alcide was doing him the favor. Sam goes.
The burial of Tara was another great scene, thanks to Pam. Pam sported a borrowed Walmart sweatsuit for the occasion! Tara smells. They bury them. Now, all they can do is cross their fingers in hopes that Tara wakes up.
The troublesome twosome, Bill and Eric, are working hard on their bromance this episode. We next find them tied up in the back of a car. They’re being taken to the authority. In a clever move, Bill punctures the fuel tank, and they manage to spark an explosion. In the rubble, Bill appears crippled, but Eric refuses to leave him. Wow, fast friends, but I guess desperate times call for desperate friendships. Out of the flames comes the male vampire driver, who I’m fairly certain was Viktor Krum from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and he’s ready to kill. Too late, though! The mysterious lady vampire eliminates him first. It’s Nora (Lucy Griffiths), who Eric very affectionately refers to as his “sister.” As it turns out, he means they share the same maker. R.I.P. Godric! She’d do anything for Eric regardless of the circumstances, and he would do the same for her, but in this case, it turns out she’s not the only one. There are factions within the vampire authority who are pleased with the work Bill and Eric accomplished eliminating the nerdy necromancers from last season. Why should they die for that? As it turns out, Nora was planning on helping them escape quietly anyway. She lies to her boss, and preps them for new identities.
Back at Sookie’s house, there is still a whole lot of Debbie to clean up.
Sookie: “Anything big enough to pick up with our hands, we’ll put in here.”
This is such a familiar scene to us at this point, and Sookie’s nonchalance echoes that. She and Lafayette then journey over to his place to deal with the body of Jesus, but it’s gone! Sookie is rather cold about the whole situation, but Lafayette gives her a wakeup call. People need to say goodbye, and people need to have goodbye said to them, even in Bon Temps. He gives Jesus an emotional plea. He doesn’t know how to move on with his life.
From there, we end up at Holly’s (Lauren Bowles) house where Sheriff Andy (Chris Bauer) is awoken, nude, by her two sons. I have to say, I imagined her sons a lot younger than this, but this also makes sense. Needless to say, it’s awkward to walk in on your mother sleeping with the sheriff. Later, Andy expresses his embarrassment when he neglects to acknowledge Holly at Merlotte’s.
Arlene (Carrie Preston) and Terry (Todd Lowe) have arrived on screen! I can’t help it, but every time I see a flash of fire red hair across the TV, I get a little excited. Terry’s military “friend” Patrick (Scott Foley) is eating breakfast with them. Arlene and her kids are probing him for information on Terry’s time in Iraq, but Terry snaps. He doesn’t want them knowing anything about that. What we do learn from this scene, though, is that there is some sort of explanation for the fire from last season that connects to Terry’s time in Iraq. Finally, we will get answers. Later, Patrick approaches Terry on a smoke break at Merlotte’s. Terry, who is once again aggressive, learns that most of the privates he was with overseas lost their houses to fires, and some even lost their lives. Patrick thought Terry was to blame, but now he’s allegedly just looking for Terry’s help.
Sookie and Lafayette finally get to bathe. Sookie takes a shower and reminisces about being bullied as a child, and about being defended by Tara. Little Tara was great, by the way. Lafayette opts for a bath, and eyes a razor. Don’t worry, he just ends up shaving his head. Looking smooth! While he finishes, Sookie is visited by Alcide, who pleads with her to leave with him. He wants to protect her from the newly revived Russel Edgington, who will be out for her blood. Sookie thought he was dead. Still, she refuses to go because she feels guilty over killing Debbie. According to Sookie, she liked killing Debbie. Before she has a chance to confess, Lafayette storms down in a huff, and sasses Alcide away. Truthfully, he just didn’t want them to go to jail for killing Debbie, and Sookie is thankful for his interjection. For the record, I liked her killing Debbie, too.
At Merlotte’s, Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is still eyeing down Jason for sleeping with Jessica. His friends make pathetic remarks towards Jason, and it all ends up seeming lame and laughable on their part. Jason wants to make amends, but Hoyt’s not having it. In another scene I’m presuming will bare importance later on, a judge pays for Andy’s lunch, and asks him to wave a speeding ticket for his son. It sounds like nothing, but it seemed ominous.
Somewhere in a pretty dank looking barn, Sam is being tortured by the wolf pack, and he meets Martha, who seems like a pretty tough broad. She’s Marcus’ mother, and she wants Marcus’ body. She won’t let Sam live, but in exchange she’ll let Luna and her daughter live. Sam agrees. Later on in the woods, the wolves dig up Marcus. Just before things get brutal, Alcide arrives and confesses. Luna brought him. It seems like he’s looking to lead the pack, but they don’t respect him. He doesn’t seem to care. Oh, then the pack eats Marcus’ dirty corpse. What a great mother!
Back in the bunker, Eric and Nora have sex, and Bill listens in, bored to death.
Bill: “Keep the noise down in there. New Orleans is only 60 miles away.”
Alcide calls to warn Eric about Russel.
Jessica is throwing a house party, and it looks like a whole lot of lame fun! There was even Rock Band! Jason crashed in an attempt to spend time with her. Jessica and Jason on “Cherry Bomb” by the Runaways was classic, and a good way to show their chemistry. That is, until they both end up with other people. At first, it seems like they’re mutually trying to make one another jealous, then it seems like Jessica is letting loose, and Jason is just pining for her. Jason really thought she meant it when she called him “hers,” but Jessica claims to have just been rescuing him from Reverend Steve. Jason is too torn up to even sleep with a random sorority girl. Wow, he’s really into Jessica, and he’s ready to grow up.
Bill and Eric meet with the rebel faction to get their new identities, which I believe were Ike Applebaum and Marcellus Clark! What a dynamic yet non-threatening sounding duo! Before they can sneak off, though, the rebels are assaulted by the authority, and Bill and Eric end up prisoners again. This time, it looks like it’s for real.
Sookie and Lafayette have been waiting a good while for Tara and Pam to wake up. Pam claws her way out, with dirt in her bra, and claims to not know what’s up with Tara. Sookie digs her out, only to find what seems like a dead body. Surprise! Tara is a vampire, but something seems off. Think Pet Semetary.
What did you think of the season 5 premiere? Are you excited to see a crazy side to Tara? Are you enjoying the Bill/ Eric bromance, or do you prefer them fighting over Sookie? Is this the season of Pam? Fun fact: Merlotte’s doubles as A’s lair in Pretty Little Liars.
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