Episode 3 of Desiree’s season of The Bachelorette brings back one of those classic Bachelor tropes: the contestant who has a girlfriend back home. Which one of the remaining 16 guys is it? Read on in my recap below.
Group Date 1
Chris, Brian, Drew, Michael, Brooks, Brad, Mikey, Brandon, Zach, and Ben are playing Dodgeball! The guys meet the commissioner of the national dodgeball league and a bunch of professional dodgeball players. The dodgeballers absolutely whip it at our Bachelors. We watch Brooks get nailed in the crotch… and the back… and I can’t help but laugh even though it looks like it really hurts. Sorry dude.
Then, they get split up into two separate teams. They’re going to fight to get time with Des! I love these athletic group dates, because the contestants always make fools of themselves. Mikey, Michael, Brooks, Chris, Brandon are team red, while Ben, Drew, Zach, Brad, Brian are team blue. The guys’ game faces are hilarious. They’re playing in a cargo cage in a Los Angeles park. It’s definitely not as pathetic as the volleyball date disaster from last season of The Bachelor—these guys are actually really good—but it’s still funny to watch. Chris is the MVP of team red; the ex-baseball player absolutely rocks it, understandably. Team Blue wins round 1, though, when Drew nails Chris as the last guys standing. Team Red takes round two quickly, and it’s down to round three. As soon as the guys run for the balls when the whistle is blown, Brooks breaks his finger! He’s rushed to the hospital. Mikey then compares round three to Game 7 of the World Series, bottom of the ninth. Okay… to say that is blown out of proportion would be an understatement. Zach nails Chris as the last two guys left, and it’s Team Blue for the win. Des ends up taking all of the guys to the after party! Aw, that’s nice of her.
That night, Brad finally tells Des that he has a three-year-old son named Maddox. He also tells her about his crazy ex-wife, who drunkenly accused him of domestic violence, got him arrested, and pulled a restraining order against him. Yikes.
We also finally hear Chris’ voice for the first time, and he pulls her away the roof of the building! She looks very pleasantly surprised, and so am I! I’ve been waiting for Chris to be featured more on the show. After Brooks returns, looking absolutely battered, Des gives Chris the rose! I am so rooting for him. They get a private concert by Kate Earl, and they kiss. He’s very attractive, and though he’s not as loud or as flashy as many of the other guys, he seems good. I like him a lot, to state the obvious.
Before Kasey goes on his one-on-date, Des gets a call from Chris Harrison who says there’s “bizarre” news about one of the guys. She pulls Brian away… because he has a girlfriend back home. Chris Harrison walks in with Brian’s girlfriend, Stephanie.
A super awkward conversation ensues. There’s a lot of shouting, and frankly, it’s making my head hurt. Too much yelling. He accuses her of throwing rocks at him, and she replies, “I did throw rocks at you… because you’re a jerk.” Okay, they’re both crazy. Not to be a jerk, but come on, there’s got to be some ulterior motive as to why she showed up, right? Probably a combination of fame and money, assuming the Bachelorette producers paid her a heap of money to come? Des and Chris Harrison kick Brian off of the show, obviously. Stephanie leaves in a stretch limo, while Brian exits in a sketchy black van. Moving on.
After the whole Brian fiasco, Des just doesn’t seem emotionally into her one-on-one date with Kasey. Des and Kasey dance sideways off the side of a skyscraper, which looks awesome! It doesn’t seem as exhilarating as past building-scaling dates, though, likely because she’s visibly distracted by what happened earlier that morning.
That night, they have dinner on the roof of the building they danced again earlier that day. Just as they’re about to sit down and talks, the wind blows everything around crazily to point where they can’t have a good conversation, let alone sit up straight. Then, they decide to jump into the pool… which is freezing. He kisses her in the pool, but he gets the awkward-music-in-the-background edit. Kasey gets a rose even though the date is pretty much a disaster. It seems like there’s very little chemistry between them.
Group Date 2
A horse-drawn carriage awaits the guys on this group date (Dan, James, Juan Pablo, Bryden, and Zak W.) at the mansion, and they take the carriage to a ranch. There, Des is wearing an old school country dress, and she dropkicks a guy off a balcony. Nice. Today the guys are learning to do stunts! Gotta say, they look really dapper in their cowboy gear. They learn to lasso, shoot stunt guns, and fake-punch stunt guys.
They then compete to be the lone ranger by completing a set of stunts. Juan Pablo owns his stint, speaking Spanish the whole time and getting super into it. Wish I understood what he was saying. Des awards Juan Pablo the Lone Ranger badge! They get to watch a private screening of the movie The Lone Ranger; nice product placement. He’s very suave. They kiss. “It’s the best date I’ve had in forever,” Des says. So you’re saying it was better than your date with Brooks last week? Bryden last week? Chris this week? Hmm…
Oh, the date continues! The four other guys are back for the night portion of the date. They’re drinking out of mason jars. Very cool. She thinks that she’s leading her relationship with Bryden because he’s so reserved.
Zak says that he feels lovedrunk when he admits that he attempted to kiss her that day and she didn’t realize it.
James then asks if she potentially sees them together because he doesn’t want to waste his time since he needs to take care of his dad. She reassures him that she wants him there by giving James the group date rose.
Chris Harrison shows up to the mansion and tells the guys that the cocktail party has been canceled. Instead, there’s a chill pool party! Right away, Ben starts scheming. Just as soon as Des shows up, he sneaks out and asks her to go on a 15-minute car ride behind the backs of the other guys. The other guys see, though, and they’re pissed!
Brad pulls off a smooth move when he opens a pizza box with the sentence “Will you be my girlfriend, or is that too cheesy?” written on the box. Very cute.
Mikey and Michael drag Ben to the side… again… and confront him. Mikey said that he could punch his face right then. Well, I wish I could punch both of your attitudes. Chill out.
Brandon is crying again. Oh, Brandon… He tells her about how Brian’s fiasco really affected him because he was the son of a single mom who would get really attached to his mom’s boyfriends, and then they would disappear from his life, leaving him emotionally broken. “I’m not going to get emotional, I promise,” he promises to her. Okay… well that’s impossible. It gets even worse when Brandon tells Des that he’s falling in love with her. Oh man… this is so bad. This is too early! It’s only Week 3! This will not end well.
The guys who receive roses at the rose ceremony are Bryden, Juan Pablo, Zak W., Brooks, Drew, Zach K., Brad, Michael, Mikey, and Ben. The guys going home are Dan… and Brandon. Poor Brandon… he looks crushed. She tells him that she just doesn’t feel the chemistry with him and that she wanted to let him go early before he got his heart even more broken. Man, this is an exit worthy of like, Final 4 or Final 3. He definitely seems like a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and gets emotionally attached too easily. From what he’s said, he’s had a tough upbringing, but he’s still a really nice guy—best of luck for him finding a partner.
Well, what do you all think? What’s your opinion on Brandon’s emotional state? How annoyed did the whole Brian-girlfriend deal make you? How great is Chris? Let me know in comments!