Reality TV

The Bachelorette 2016 Winner Results: Which Man Did JoJo Choose? (VIDEO)

Tonight is the night, as The Bachelorette 2016 finale is finally here!

Joelle “JoJo” Fletcher is down to her final two men, former competitive swimmer Robby Hayes and former football player Jordan Rodgers.

But whom did JoJo pick to receive her final rose?

I’ll be updating throughout the night with live commentary and videos of the big show!

THE BACHELORETTE 2016 FINALE RECAP

The Bachelorette 2016 Winner Results Which Man Did JoJo Choose (VIDEO)

Source: YouTube

MEETING THE FAMILY

8:05 PM: So after a matter-of-fact opening from Chris Harrison, who’s live in the studio, we get right to business. JoJo is in Phuket, Thailand, and her family is here so they can meet the final two men. Jordan feels it’s important to ask his future wife’s family for her hand, so he’s anxious for that opportunity. For some reason, Jordan gives me serious Josh Murray vibes. Maybe it’s a goofy “meathead jock” thing, or maybe it’s just that feeling that there is less than a 0% chance that this relationship actually works out. I just don’t buy anything Jordan says, and I don’t really believe he’s that into JoJo either. That bit where he makes her family wear silly hats as part of a Rodgers tradition felt so manufactured, to me. And when JoJo’s mother makes him promise that he’ll never break her daughter’s heart, he seems so thrown by the question. Maybe anyone would be. But how do you not expect this sort of grilling? Of course, JoJo feels like her mother’s concerns stem from Jordan being too likable. And…well, look. I don’t think Jordan is a bad guy. I really don’t. It’s just that I’m not at all convinced by anything he says or does.

We then get a weird bit of drama where Jordan wants to ask JoJo’s father for her hand, but he never gets around to it. He seems genuinely upset by this, since JoJo has told him before that it’s important that her future fiance asks her father’s blessing first. Just more evidence for the “Jordan isn’t really that into JoJo, even if he’s convinced himself he is” bin.

8:17 PM: Robby is up next, and JoJo’s family is quickly taken with him, as JoJo’s mother calls him a gentleman, and even her brothers are impressed. They state there are no red flags that pop up with Robby. In his one-on-one with her mother, Robby reassures her that JoJo will be his No. 1 priority going forward, and that what he wants to do with his life will be built around the foundation of their relationship. A strong answer, and he follows it up with an even stronger plea for JoJo’s hand to her father, moving both parents to tears. I mean, hot damn, he’s a real orator. And I actually do believe he’s crazy about JoJo, although I don’t particularly buy that he’s right for JoJo either.

When JoJo talks about how sweet it was to see her father so emotional, and adding what an incredible man Robby is, she declares, “This should be it.” The operative word being “should,” which makes me think Robby isn’t the one. Oh, who am I kidding? There’s no way Robby is the one with the way he’s getting edited, and with the “Dudebro Jock” leanings of the last two winners of The Bachelorette. Jordan has this in the bag, and I’ll boil my hat and eat it without garnish if I’m wrong. The more earnest a guy is, the more likely he is to lose this show, because earnestness doesn’t get the job done like swagger.

8:30 PM: In the family meeting afterward, her family stresses to JoJo that they like Jordan, but Robby IS the guy. Her brothers feel Robby is simply more committed and focused on a life of marriage. Naturally, JoJo is absolutely crestfallen that Jordan didn’t ask for her father’s blessing, and gets into an argument with her mother when her father tries to equivocate about Jordan not exactly asking for his blessing “in so many words.” So JoJo basically lashes out at her family for liking Robby better, prompting her brother to confront her about why she feels the need to defend Jordan — whom they admit they actually like quite a bit — so much, since it seems she’s already made up her mind. JoJo insists that she hasn’t, and that she actually came into this wanting to defend Robby. Yeah, I don’t buy that for a second. Note to the Fletchers: If you want her to pick Robby, tell her to pick Jordan. She’s 100% about that rebellious life. I’m not paragon of modern adulthood by any stretch of the imagination, and JoJo seems like a truly sweet girl, but she doesn’t seem the least bit ready for marriage, or to be having this conversation with her family, much less two men she’s known for all of two months.

FINAL DATES

8:41 PM: The final date with Robby basically involves swimming at the beach, and the cameraman holding an uncomfortably pervy shot of JoJo stripping down to her bathing suit. The two swim together as Robby, in a confession, talks about how he falls in love with JoJo more and more each day. He’s even envisioned what a typical evening at their home would be like, from the burnt dinner in the oven to the copious amounts of white wine. JoJo stresses that she trusts Robby so much, but in much the same way I don’t buy Jordan’s protestations of love, I don’t buy JoJo’s towards Robby. Hey, maybe JoJo and Jordan are meant for each other after all!

As they retire to their suite, Robby’s number one mission is to reassure JoJo that they’re perfect for each other, although I have no idea what else he can do, at this point. Literally the only thing he ever does is reassure, to the point where I can’t really think of what other traits are attracting him to her other than that he’s being open and honest. And I guess he’s good-looking too. Here, he tells JoJo that he loves her and that she doesn’t have to worry about a thing, and they do more envisioning together. So much envisioning, it feels like they’re about to break into “Somewhere That’s Green” from Little Shop of Horrors. I don’t think I’ve planned my next meal as well as these two have planned out their entire lives together. For her part, JoJo feels Robby has shown her the type of love she deserves, the type of love she’s been waiting for. “I can see a life with him, and that excites me,” JoJo says, noting that she’s thrilled by the possibility of Robby dropping to one knee to propose. Robby is similarly amped, feeling there’s no way this can’t work, given the amount of passion that exists between the two. “How is that not something that lasts forever?” he says. Granted, he admits that he might be blinded by his love for JoJo, which is why he wants to hear her tell him she loves him. Yeah, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that. And even if she does, I don’t see how that’s any more reassuring after what happened to JoJo with Ben. “I love you” isn’t a confirmation that you’re the one, by any stretch of the imagination. “I love you” on a Bachelor show is like “Yeah I’ll call you tomorrow” after a one night stand.

9:00 PM: The next day, it’s time for Jordan’s final date. In contrast to her giddy excitement with Robby, she has a kind of consternation about meeting up with Jordan again, since she’s still not sure about him at all after what her family said. However, their easygoing chemistry and the fun they have together assures her somewhat. They go kayaking into a cavern that leads to a series of cliffs overlooking a lake. They park the kayak and just chill on an embankment, sipping on booze while Jordan gushes about how much he loves Jordan’s family. Throughout the entire conversation, JoJo is stonefaced, even after Jordan admits that he didn’t ask her father for her hand. Apparently, he got some kind of jitters about it, which JoJo isn’t exactly buying. “I was really disappointed and bummed out. In two days, if you get on one knee, and it’s you and I, you didn’t get my family’s blessing,” she tells him. “It makes me doubt if you’re ready.”

Jordan sticks up for himself by stating he’s absolutely ready, and then changes his rationale for why he didn’t ask for JoJo’s hand by saying that he didn’t ask because they hadn’t met Robby yet. He says that there are two guys, and he doesn’t know if it’s him, so he couldn’t bring himself to ask. JoJo asks Jordan what he needs to hear from her to be reassured, and Jordan says some nonsense about her stating that their relationship is what she wants it to be.

“If it were up to me, I’d be down on one knee.”
“It IS up to you! You have the choice! I’m so confused right now.”

JoJo is basically pleading with Jordan to “PLEASE GIVE ME A REASON TO PICK YOU! DON’T LET ME END UP WITH ROBBY!” But Jordan just completely blows it. I mean, she’s still going to pick him, but whatever.

9:15 PM: Jordan tries to save face later that night in the suite, saying that while his words weren’t exactly reassuring, he’s ready to take that leap of faith. Sure, he’s not certain if he’s the one or not, but he wants to see where it goes. JoJo doesn’t know if Jordan is ready for an engagement, she does know that he wants to be with her, which I guess is…better? Jordan says he wants what his parents have, so he only wants to get married once in his life. This is why he’s been a bit guarded. But he never wants her to have those doubts, and later admits, in a confessional, how bummed he is about having let her down. But almost as quickly as that confessional airs, Jordan has mostly repaired the situation with some smooth words, because — naturally — JoJo WANTS to pick Jordan, so she’ll cut him more slack than she would have if Robby had made the same mistake.

Live in the studio, Chris Harrison polls the audience. Not many people cheer when he asks if they think it’s Robby, and not that many more cheer at the possibility of Jordan, owing to an overall lack of enthusiasm for these finalists. Hell, more of them cheer Chad when Chris mentions him. That’s how big of a dumpster fire this season has been. Bachelor In Paradise seriously can’t get here soon enough. Save us, BiP! Deliver us from two beige, human versions of a Kia Spectra!

9:25 PM: So Robby picks out a Neil Lane diamond ring, as things start to look even grimmer for the poor guy as this goes on, particularly when the camera edges in on him as he starts to tear up while looking at the diamond. Meanwhile, Jordan is on the phone with JoJo’s family, smooth-talking them and letting them know JoJo is the love of his life. He asks for their blessing to ask for her hand in marriage, and he receives it, because it’s better late than never. As an added assurance, he writes JoJo a letter of apology before meeting with Neil Lane to pick out a ring.

Lastly, we see JoJo getting her hair and makeup ready, and getting into her dress for the final rose ceremony. She talks about how torn she’s been over this decision, before waking up with a moment of clarity that she’s been praying for. As if on cue, Jordan’s letter arrives. In the confessional booth, she reads it aloud to the audience, complete with voiceover from Jordan. She breaks down while reading it, but the cut to Jordan working on his ridiculous, Egon Spengler hair in the mirror is unintentionally the most hilarious thing I’ve seen this season.

So Jordan fans herself after reading the letter, just sobbing and talking about how she doesn’t feel right. “I needed to hear this. I needed to know that my family was able to give their blessing. I believe in him.”

And, right on cue, a letter from Robby arrives. And we get a similar voiceover of the letter, although it’s played more seriously, as Robby looks so nervous you’d think he was about to meet a firing squad. JoJo states that this is the kind of love she’s wanted to have. But she can’t keep doing this to herself. She can’t keep going back and forth. She fans herself with the letters, saying she feels as if she’s having a panic attack. Yeah, she may pick one of these guys, but there’s no way on Earth she’s even 60% certain about the relationship, whichever one she chooses. JoJo is WAY too indecisive for a show like this. And I say that as someone who generally finds her to be a classy, sweet lady.

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY / WINNER RESULTS

9:41 PM: In a confessional, JoJo says “I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to feel an ounce of pain.” Who she’s talking about? We have no idea (I mean, we do. But come on). It’s evident that whoever comes first is going to be the one to get his heart broken. And, sure enough, the first guy out of the limo is Robby. In an optimistic confessional, Robby talks about how excited he is to propose and have JoJo become his fiance, and how he doesn’t like seeing her upset about having to send the other guy home. Oh, Robby. Poor, poor Robby. How he doesn’t read it on her face the minute he walks up, I’ll never know.

After complimenting each other on their outfits, Robby tells JoJo this is crazy, but good crazy. He gets flustered before talking about how his heart yearns for her, and how his family adores her, and how he’s in love with her. He calls it a love so deep it makes him weak in the knees, and it’s the kind you only hear in fairy tales. “You’re not just my partner-in-crime, you’re my best friend. … And I’ll love you til the day I die.”

JoJo stops him and says she can’t allow him to get down on one knee. She can’t take that moment from him. She says she woke up this morning wanting to be him. “Every day, I’ve been wanting it to be you. I fell in love with you. But for some reason, my heart is with someone else.” She thanks him for making her feel the type of love she’s always wanted, and the kind that she didn’t think she believed in.

“You deserve the type of love you’ve given me,” JoJo tells him, and this is where Robby gets emotional. He says he just wanted her to be happy with him, and all JoJo can really do is comfort him. And not that effectively either. They hold hands as she walks him out, and I’m surprise he’s even able to hold it together.

Aaaand sure enough, he can’t. And I don’t blame him. Robby looks like he’s been shot — or that he’s got the world’s worst case of brain freeze. Maybe both. Either way, he says hardly a word to JoJo as he steps into the car. JoJo sobs as the car pulls away, and Robby just buries his face in a handkerchief. Robby is really confused. He’d been waiting for JoJo to say she loved him, and she did, but then she wouldn’t let him go down on one knee. “When is that okay to happen?” he says.

Live in the studio, the audience is completely silent. And we go to commercial break. I really can’t imagine anyone in the crowd is amped to see her get engaged to Jordan, honestly.

9:55 PM: JoJo can’t believe she just said goodbye to Robby, and says the only thing that’s getting her through this moment is the thought of seeing Jordan. She says she’s ready to be married, she’s ready to be engaged, and she’s ready to spend the rest of her life with Jordan. I don’t get it, but I guess the heart wants what it wants. In the confessional, Jordan talks about wanting to find someone like JoJo his entire life, and notes that she changed him by making him look at love differently. Chris Harrison wishes Jordan luck, and off he goes. And the smile on her face as he walks down the steps should ease his nerves a bit, if he caught a glimpse of it.

Jordan talks about how much he loves JoJo, and how she’s his best friend. He promises he’s going to keep her safe, and he’s going to wake up every morning and choose her until she tells him he can’t. JoJo affirms that she loves him too, and down Jordan goes — one knee, baby!

“Is this happening?!” JoJo says, as Jordan falls to one knee and whips out the ring. Naturally, she says YES!

JORDAN PROPOSES!

JOJO SAYS YES!

JORDAN RODGERS WINS THE BACHELORETTE 2016!

BUT ALSO, THEY’RE ENGAGED, I GUESS!

So we bring it to an end with JoJo offering Jordan her final rose. He accepts, and they pose for the camera, affirming that this is the best day of their entire lives. Jordan scoops JoJo up into his arms and makes like he’s going to dunk her in the ocean, but I doubt ABC would let that happen with how much they probably paid for that dress.

So there you have it! What do you think about JoJo’s choice? Sound off in the comments!

Until next time, thanks for reading!

GOODNIGHT!

Reality TV 2016live blogRecapThe BacheloretteVideo

Got Something to Add?