The Real Housewives of New Jersey attempted to team-build its way through Season 5 tonight. Half of our favorite Jersey residents journeyed to a far away land with a castle and free brunch. Let the Clash of the Joes commence!
Episode 7 of Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey was hilariously dubbed, “When Joes Collide.” Yes, the epic battle of the Jersey Joes would go down by the episode’s close. Of course, we’d have to wait until next week to see the conclusion. Will Juicy Joe topple Gorga? Or does Zio Joe have it in him to squeeze the juice out of Giudice? If Kathy began crying over the spilt milk that is the old, stale, and dry Posche fashion show Season 4 drama, will she have an absolute meltdown to kick off Episode 8? Plus, I will attempt to break down Teresa Giudice’s nervous tongue tic. Cameos by Wacky Jackie and paperboy Caroline.
The episode opened with the Giudices, Gorgas, and Wakiles prepping for their trip to a real live castle. Well, castles aren’t alive, but this one sure felt like it was. Could journeying to the land of witches, team builders, and monsters save the relationship between Teresa and her bro?
Our first monster of Episode 7:
“Don’t eat the kids unless they’re baked not fried!”
Meanwhile, Rosie attempted to rally the troops. Of course, we were privy to the fact that this trip was bound for failure from the start. Nobody was willing to let Teresa’s Season 4 reunion Christmas tree dress slide. War! War on pageant gowns!
What do you think? A happy accident or did the producers stage the stripper pole in the forefront?
My favorite part of the “castle introduction and greeting” scene was, of course, that both Teresa and Melissa thought that they were clever enough to drum up the “witch sister-in-law” jape. I’m going to give the edge to Teresa’s “witch sister-in-law can befriend the ghost” over Melissa’s “witch evil step-sister-in-law” crack.
I began to notice Teresa’s nervous tic this week. The tongue flip-and-lick motion popped up quite a few times during Episode 7.
Before we move on, let’s just take a look at the wacky scene in a wide shot below.
Okay, we’re not in Franklin Lakes anymore, clearly. “Let’s throw every fabric pattern we can find in one room and hope it doesn’t drive people insane!” Trust me, we’re barely halfway in. Insanity is on the horizon.
Watch as tensions run hide leading up to the initial lunch experience.
Did anyone else notice that they actually equipped Rosie with holy water for this trip? Look at that:
So the first meal was bound to be awkward, but watching the Wakiles and Gorgas gobble down the spread while Teresa and her husband glanced around aimlessly was painful.
How was Teresa feeling?
You can smile all you want, Tre. I see that tongue.
My favorite part of the brunch was the cut from the most disgusting cannolis I’ve ever seen in my life to this:
Just, complete and utter disappointment. Kathy was ready to check out right then and there. Luckily, Rosie was in tow to enlist the help of these elusive “team builders.” Basically, they’re like ghost busters for fame whores and tabloid stars.
Before the extensive “team building” scene, let’s catch up with our other two Housewives. That’s right, Caroline and Jacqueline are indeed still cast members.
Thanks for showing up, Caroline. I hope your budding career as a newsie is going just swell.
Meanwhile, Jacqueline *sips tea*:
The castle team building started off harmless enough. Of course, if anyone dared to enjoy the activities they were given the side-eye by everyone else.
How dare Juicy Joe have fun with the silly games.
To the dungeons with you, Juicy. Your punishment is watching a full episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey featuring nothing but recycled clips of Kim D. and Kim G! That’s right, and Kim G. Oh, I went there, folks. That’s what Juicy Joe gets for trying to enjoy this:
Things seemed to be going just fine. Perhaps progress had yet to be truly made, but no one died over frying meatballs just yet. That is, until someone mentioned the tabooest of tabooey terms… “Jacqueline.”
Teresa, so incredibly rationally (No, not really.), blames Jacqueline for the massive rift between herself and her brother. Meanwhile, nobody else had any idea what the hell she was talking about.
“Jacqueline fries her meatballs, but me, I bake them. You see? She’s crazy! I mean, I’ve never seen her make meatballs, but still!..”
My favorite screenshot this week had to be Teresa’s eye roll regarding the male team builder’s intervening. Doesn’t he know how awful Jacqueline is? How dare he step in to get things back on course!
The now infamous “we’re on our knees, begging, stop hurting us!” prayer would finally take place this week.
Teresa’s reaction to the ridiculousness was truly on point, though. I’ll give it to her. Didn’t Melissa’s routine kind of negate Teresa’s refusal to take any blame for stripper-gate?
Sensing some mounting tension, Rosie decided to remove Joe Giudice from the situation. The two shared a scotch outside, and my new favorite dynamic duo was born.
I love how Rosie was only half-listening to Juicy Joe’s rant about Joe Gorga, glancing over his shoulder to keep an eye on the shenanigans within the castle walls. Of course, “Scum-gate” was mere moments away from detonating…
Hearing Melissa reitorate, “Gorga! Melissa Gorga! Gorga!” must have felt like pins in the ears of Teresa Giudice.
Is calling your sister “scum” ever really necessary? Not according to Kathy.
And that was that, folks. The scummy bomb had been dropped, and we were left off with the amazing…
“YEAH, HEY, JOE…APOLOGIZE TO YOUR…!!!!!!!!!”
“No, I’m Joe!”
“NO, I’M JOE!”
What did you think of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 5 Episode 7, “When Joes Collide”? Whose side are you on in The Clash of the Joes? Is Teresa’s tongue situation a nervous tell? Does Melissa play the victim?
Thanks for reading my Photo Recap and Review of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 5 Episode 7, “When Joes Collide”!