Prometheus – Review

Prometheus ReviewHere’s my review of Prometheus which opened on June 8, 2012.

It is directed by Ridley Scott and stars Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce and Logan Marshall-Green.

Stop reading now if you don’t want to read any spoilers.

Stop reading now if you don’t want to read any spoilers.

Stop reading now if you don’t want to read any spoilers.

Now that we have that out of the way, here’s the review:

Prometheus was co-written by Damon Lindelof co-creator of Lost. I should have seen that as a big red flag — but I wanted to give the movie a chance. Also, I’m a big fan of the Alien franchise, so yes, I wanted to give this movie a chance. However, no amount of wanting something to succeed will make it succeed — and it was painfully clear halfway through when Ridley Scott presented the first big money moment that this was DOA.

This movie sucked. It sucked so hard. There’s no getting around it. It wasn’t even the hype that brought it down — in fact, it’s probably the hype that kept me going as I hoped that it would somehow deliver.

This movie sucked. The only reason why I’m not bitter is because I lowered my expectations tremendously before the movie started.

This was a poor execution of a script that just falls under the weight of the entire Alien mythology. It’s no better than the movies that followed Aliens.

The only saving grace were the amazing special effects and the wonderful acting of Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender. Oh and Idris Elba in a tight space wetsuit. I loved that wetsuit scene even if it was a blatant deus ex machina that tried to make the script coherent. (I was going: Oh yay! Idris! And then I was disappointed that he just explained away three-fourths of the movie in one sentence.)

This movie sucked. The structure, dialogue and overall story just sucked.

Prometheus attempted to explain how the Alien creature came to exist, what the Ark spaceship is, and what the Weyland Corporation is all about.

(Spoilers)

David the robot decides that he wanted to create life. So he takes what was a biological weapon (more on this later) and implants it in one of the scientists Charlie Holloway — just a tiny drop in his drink. After Holloway has sex with Elizabeth Shaw — she miraculously becomes pregnant with what would become the first “facehugger” — 10 hours later. She uses an automated surgical machine to take it out.

Later in the movie, it is revealed that the tiny “facehugger” has turned into a ginormous monster that could fill an entire room. It’s basically the mother of all “facehuggers”. It attacks one of the humanoid aliens that hates Earthlings (that’s the other plot). It implants the humanoid with something, and at the end of the movie, the first full grown alien — which actually looks kinda cute and not menacing — comes out from it’s chest.

Sigh.

So these biological weapons look like worms, are super strong and have acid for blood. Or they could just be the buckets of acid with tiny things swimming in them — it never was explained clearly. They were created by humanoid aliens who were amassing them in containers to send to Earth and destroy everything.

The whole mission for going to the planet was to meet these aliens only to discover that they were evil — even if they shared the same DNA as humans. (And then the robot decides to take a detour and make a new life form just for fun).

The third plot is the whole ridiculous Weyland corporation history. This is the reason they cast Charlize Theron and Guy Pearce. Peter Weyland goes on the trip in secret because he wants to talk to the humanoid aliens. He wants to know how to live longer. His daughter played by Theron also came along as captain only to make sure that she witnessed her father’s death firsthand and take over the company when she goes back to Earth. She died in the movie anyway, so this whole plot point which took over the second half of the movie was all useless.

So there, it sucked.

Watch it for the special effects and the super-gross operating room scene with Noomi.

Prequels are one of the worst inventions of Hollywood, seriously.

This movie sucked.

Rating: 2/5

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