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The Oscars 2015 Gift Bag Is Swagtastic: Vibrator, Mind Control Lessons, More

So let’s say you’re a nominee at this year’s Oscars, and you end up losing in your category. You go home empty-handed, right?

Wrong.

The gift bag for this year’s acting and director nominees is an absolutely ludicrous assortment of swag valued at over $125,000. Because this is just how Oscars do.

Among the gifts in this year’s bag are some outrageously expensive luxury skincare products, because we can’t all have a face like Uma Thurman’s. But those products are the least of the bag’s contents, as the swag bag features an assortment of these one-of-a-kind extras:

A three-night stay at a resort in Tuscany ($1,500)
A luxury train ride through the Canadian Rockies ($14,500)
Natural French Mediterranean sea salts ($1,500)
A custom silver necklace inscribed with the latitude and longitude coordinates of the Dolby Theater from Lat & Lo ($150)
A “glamping” trip ($12,500)
An gift certificate for a custom candy and dessert buffet ($800)
A Wellness 360 gift pack ($1,200)
A year’s worth of all-Audi A4 car rental from Silvercar ($20,000)
A Reset Yourself lifestyle makeover package ($14,200)
A Haze vaporizer ($250)
An Afterglow vibrator ($250), because losing at the Oscars requires a long night of “forgetting” in one’s hotel room.

Of course, none of these is the most valued item in the bag. According to the press release by Distinctive Assets, the independent company that makes and distributes these bags each year, the big gift in this year’s bag is a $20,000 gift certificate to have Olessia Kantor, the founder of Enigma Life, meet with each nominee “to discuss their 2015 horoscope, analyze dreams and teach them mind control techniques.” You know, because it’s not as if celebrities don’t already hold enough of our attention. They get to control minds now.

Naturally, the only way to get this swag bag is to be nominated for an Oscar, although the Academy doesn’t actually have anything to do with these bags. In fact, they actively campaigned to have them discontinued in 2006. Kind of strange to have the Academy campaigning for something, when it’s normally actors, directors and studios campaigning to the Academy for recognition. Regardless, between the self-pleasure devices and the mind control vouchers, it feels like these bags get more over-the-top every year.

The Oscars 2015 Gift Bag Is Swagtastic Vibrators, Mind Control Lessons, More

Credit: Afterglow Sciences

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