Week five of Love in the Wild begins with the fallout from the week four couple’s choice ceremony. Last week, Ali emerged as the biggest villain of season two by stealing Ben away from Boobs McGee. Boobs McGee managed to jiggle her way back into the competition when Ali’s former partner Jesse selected her in what he claimed was a noble attempt to keep Ben & Boobs McGee’s chance at love alive.
Both Ben and Boobs McGee are pissed about this turn of events, but Ali reveals to us that while she acknowledges staying with Jesse would have been better for everyone else, she is doing what is best for Ali. I can’t really blame her for trying to stay in the competition, but since the end prize is a trip for two, I’m not sure it’s really worth winning just to end up going on a trip with someone you can’t stand.
When Ali tells Boobs McGee that she thinks she could potentially have a connection with Ben, Boobs McGee tells her flat out that it ain’t gonna happen and reveals to the audience that she thinks Ali is a psycho. Furthermore, Boobs McGee assures Ali that the only alone time Ali is going to get with Ben will be when she’s sleeping, because Boobs McGee intends to stick to Ben like glue.
Ali, who thinks Boobs McGee is acting like a third grader, tells Boobs McGee to at least be respectful of the fact that she and Ben are partners and that she wants to approach this like a woman and not a bunch of backstabbing teens. As previously demonstrated by her towel thieving prank back in week three I suppose….
While Ali and Boobs McGee are cat fighting over Ben, Ken is attempting to continue the pissing contest he started with Jesse. Ken mouths off about what a snake Jesse is for banging Tara and then getting her eliminated from the contest and continues needling Jesse about how he’s been such a “strategic” player, which is apparently a bad thing to Ken. Jesse tells him that having a winning strategy is the whole point of the competition, but when Ken keeps prattling on Jesse tries to break off the conversation and go somewhere else. Ken won’t let things drop, even when Yanina begs him to quit arguing with Jesse.
The situation escalates after Ken accuses Jesse of trying to run away and Jesse tells Ken not to follow him or he’ll break a chair over Ken’s head. Ken immediately goes into “bring it” posturing and when Jesse turns around and heads towards Ken, Ben and Ryan intervene and tell everyone to cool it and go to their separate corners. The whole sequence pisses me off, because Ken’s douche bag attitude is starting to make me feel sorry for Jesse. Jesse has been a complete tool so far, but Ken’s insecurity and macho posturing is starting to become even more annoying than Jesse’s attempt to get all the ladies in the sack.
Ken continues to be totally obsessed with Jesse and when he keeps going on to Yanina about how they have to beat Jesse & Boobs McGee in the adventure challenge so Jesse can’t exact his revenge by stealing Yanina away from Ken, Yanina tells Ken he should focus more on her and less on other people. I think that’s good advice that there is absolutely zero chance Ken is going to take.
The next morning, we find out that Ryan is feeling very ill but plans to try and tough it out, because he wants to get to know Jenna better and doesn’t want to get knocked out of the competition.
The Adventure Challenge:
Jenny McCarthy greets the five remaining couples and lets them know that relationships can be scary and this week’s adventure challenge is going to test their ability to deal with fear. Their first task on this frightful adventure will be to turn a canoe into an outrigger, using some bamboo poles and other provided supplies. They will then use a map to navigate to a set of rubbing stones, which will reveal a secret message. The first couple to cross the finish line who can recite the secret message, bring two special objects and tell Jenny how great her hair looks wins. I think that last part was a joke, but no one laughed, so I’m not sure.
And they’re off! Straight off, super-villain Ali is not impressed with Ben because he keeps asking her to do things, like tie knots in ropes, that she considers to be the man’s job. Ben’s goal is get back with Boobs McGee, so I doubt he really cares.
Chase is determined to not mess up this week and thus prove his worth to uber competitive gal pal Summer. Jesse is motivated to beat Ken, because he really pissed him off with his post ceremony bitch-fest the night before, but his new partner Boobs McGee is having trouble getting the life jacket on over her boobage.
Ben & Ali are the first to get their outrigger assembled and in the water. Ben says a bunch of stuff I could not understand at all, but I think the gist of it was that he hopes their early lead will translate into a win so he can get back with Boobs McGee.
Ken & Yanina are hot on their aft section in second place and Ken is still obsessing over Jesse. Ben & Ali’s lead is short lived, as they struggle to paddle their boat in the correct direction and they quickly drop to third behind Ken & Yanina and Chase & Summer. Jesse & Boobs McGee are paddling in fourth, but their partnership is literally on the rocks as they struggle to avoid crashing into the nearby cliffs. Boobs McGee is worried that with Ben’s team currently in third and her’s in fourth, their chances of getting back together at the couple’s choice ceremony are slipping away.
As Yanina & Ken begin struggling to get their boat going the correct direction, the frustration level brings out the bitch in Yanina (her words not mine!) and she and Ken are once again spatting about how best to accomplish a challenge. They appear to have fallen into second place behind Chase & Summer.
Ken’s nemesis Jesse has managed to wrest their boat off the rocks and get them going back in the correct direction. While Yanina is struggling to bail water of her team’s boat, Jesse & Boobs McGee paddle right past them and into second place.
Chase & Summer are the first team to reach the next challenge. They must trek up a path to a huge cliff with a set of rickety rope ladders leading down. They must then proceed one at a time down the cliff side using the rope ladder. Though Summer expresses some concern about climbing down the sketchy looking ladder, she & Chase both make it down without incident and continue on their merry way in first place.
Jesse & Boobs McGee arrive in second place. Jesse’s desire to beat Ken motivates him to ignore his fear and head down the ladder, but much to his dismay, while he is waiting for Boobs McGee to do the same, Ken & Yanina arrive and Yanina begins her descent. Yanina provides a bit of comic relief by attempting to climb down both ladders at the same time, when she can’t stop her original ladder from spinning around in circles, but the technique works out for her and she makes it down ahead of Boobs McGee. Boobs McGee does finally get down the ladder and she and Jesse head out with a slight lead over Ken & Yanina.
Ryan’s illness is taking its toll and he and Jenna are dead last and still struggling to row their boat ashore. In spite of Ryan’s weak rowing effort, they manage to catch up to Ben & Ali, who appear to be more or less rowing in place. Ali is starting to regret her decision to choose Ben.
Chase & Summer are still in first place as they reach the next task, the rubbing stones. They have to pass through a cave filled with snakes and bats and ominous music, but none of that seems to phase them and they reach the rubbing stones without any issues the editors felt the need to include. Summer is impressed by Chase’s take charge attitude and reveals that she is starting to crush on him a bit. Jesse & Boobs McGee arrive at the rubbing stones in second place, Ken & Yanina are third.
Summer & Chase are the first to navigate their boat to a narrow canyon, where they are forced to get out and walk to the second rubbing stone. By contrast, Ben & Ali are the last team to arrive at the cliff, where we are treated to our third dose of Ali freaking out about her fear of heights so far this season. This time, there’s no soothing gestures or words of comfort from her partner as Ben is super annoyed by Ali further holding them up and basically just shouts unintelligible Benisms at her while she whines and carries on.
Jesse & Boobs McGee arrive at the second rubbing stone in second place, but Ken & Yanina are still right on their tail in third. Yanina’s bossiness on this adventure has Ken questioning whether he can “deal with this type of girl.”
Summer & Chase have now arrived at the next obstacle, which involves crossing a swamp on foot. The couple must slog through knee high mud and brave the multitude of snakes, crabs and assorted other creepy crawlies that populate the swamp. Once on the other side, they are confronted with a log filled with big hairy spiders and each member of the team must pull one spider out of the log. Chase reveals to us that he is terrified of spiders, but he doesn’t want Summer to think he’s a wussypants puddin’ britches, so he proceeds to snatch his spider out of the log. Summer & Chase successfully retrieve their spiders and sprint for the finish line. Summer is super impressed by Chase’s performance on this challenge and is starting to feel that he might really be the guy for her.
Spiders in hand, Summer & Chase cross the finish line in first place. After depositing their spiders in a box and reciting the secret message to Jenny McCarthy, Jenny reveals to them that the secret message means “There is no fear where love exists.” and they have now officially won the week five adventure challenge and a night at The Oasis. I guess the thing about Jenny’s hair was a joke. Haha!
Jesse & Boobs McGee reach the spider log in second place. Boobs McGee has no problems with creepy crawlies and she and Jesse proceed on to their second place finish without incident. Boring! Yanina on the other hand, does not like spiders and snakes and that is not what it takes to love her. Ken thinks Yanina’s freak out about the spider is “really funny.” I agree, but I’m not sure Ken hysterically laughing at Yanina as she runs down the beach squealing is going to improve his standing with her much. Ken however, has decided that while Yanina does drive him nuts at times and has that “latin temper,” he has decided that he needs that for his life. Ken tells us that he hates a dull woman and Yanina is definitely not that. Yanina almost allows all the spiders to escape. With much squealing and bleeped out cursing, Ken manages to wrangle all the spiders back into the box. Ken & Yanina recite the secret message and claim third place.
Ryan & Jenna reach the spider log in fourth, but thanks to Jenna majorly freaking out about grabbing the spider, Ben & Ali are able to catch up to them. However, after much squealing and spider fumbling, Jenna & Ryan manage to grab their spiders and race down the beach to claim fourth.
In the least shocking turn of events so far this season, turns out in addition to being petrified of heights, Ali is also scared of spiders, however she’s not nearly as afraid of them as Ben. Unlike Chase, Ben doesn’t try to hide his fear and delivers the first real belly laugh of the season when he starts speaking in some sort of weird tongues while trying to catch his spider. I managed to make out the phrase “spider man,” but not much else.
Ali is not impressed with his twitchy and “girly” behavior, but provides a bit of comedic value of her own when one of our eight legged friends climbs up her shoulder. If you missed this episode, you really should look for this bit when they post it nbc.com, because it’s truly hilarious. Eventually, they both manage to wrangle their spiders and claim their last place finish. Ben is totally pissed off and tells Jenny that he wishes Ali had just stayed with her partner instead of “messing everything up.” I really don’t know what Ben is so upset about. Unless Chase picks Boobs McGee, which doesn’t seem very likely or she fails to pick Ben at the couple’s choice ceremony, he’s going to be fine. It’s Ali & and Jesse who are going to have to do the scrambling and Ali is running out of options.
The Social Game:
Summer & Chase are celebrating with a lobster dinner at The Oasis. Summer thinks if there’s ever going to be a chance for romance with her and Chase, the time is now. She feels it is important for the man to make the first move. Are all these girls from like 1950? Chase is apparently thinking along the same lines though, because he lets us know that he needs to “grow some cajones” and let Summer know just how he feels. Eventually, Chase works up the courage to go for a kiss in the hot tub and Summer is impressed with his kissing prowess.
Back at the cozy cabins, Yanina is apologizing to Ken for yelling at him during the adventure challenge. They seem to be well on their way to kissing and making up. Ryan is still happy with Jenna, but we get a pointed shot of her packing her bags, so I sense trouble a brewin.
Meanwhile, tent dwellers Ben & Boobs McGee are cuddling in the hammock and Ben is bitching about his plight with Ali. Ben expresses his affection for Boobs McGee by giving her wood. Apparently, he collects little wooden turtles and presents Boobs McGee with one of his favorites as a token of his affection. Boobs McGee is thrilled with Ben’s turtle.
In spite of all the drama last week, Jesse tells us that he’s still deeply attracted to Ali and he thinks she wants him too deep down inside, but she just won’t admit it. I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that he knows Boobs McGee is going to dump him for Ben, so his only shot at staying in the game is to dump Boobs before she can dump him and select Ali or Jenna. However, it looks like Jesse is going to have to go sniffing after Jenna if he wants to save his neck, because Ali is not interested and she’s even less interested when she perceives that Jesse is blaming her for separating Ben and his Boobs. They end up in a huge argument and Jesse concludes that they ended up in worse shape than before his attempt to win her over.
Jenna shares with Ben that while Ryan is “growing on her”, she fears it may be in a friend way and not a romantic way and she doesn’t want to lead him on. Ben tries to talk her into sticking it out and giving his buddy Ryan a chance. Jenna isn’t convinced.
Since they haven’t managed to win a night at The Oasis yet, Yanina decides to create her own little spa day for her and Ken, which is very cute. Ken doesn’t really seem like he’s much of a spa kind of guy, but he’s a good sport about the whole thing.
Back at the outdoor vanity, Ali isn’t making any headway with Ben. Ben tells us that he think Ali is a bit of a “black widow” and she has quite the mean streak. I mean, you remember when she stole all those towels! Ben uses this opportunity to bitch at Ali a bit more for picking him. Ali tells us that she really doesn’t give a flip that a guy of Ben’s “moral integrity” isn’t into her, but it is a bit of a blow to her ego that he prefers “blow up doll” Boobs McGee to her. She goes on to tell us that one of these days Ben is finally going to see “funbags” (now come on Ali, giving people cutesy names is just juvenile, Boobs McGee is a person!) without her makeup and realize she’s actually a man. I think Ben might have been right about that mean streak. In spite of Ali’s assurances that she’s not going to create any drama at the couple’s choice ceremony, Ben thinks she’s bonkers. I hope you’re right Ben.
Ryan tells us that he’s not really nervous, but Jenna is still not sure what she’s going to do. Since the most drama queen Ali can do is turn down Jesse if he still tries to pick her, it looks like Jenna is going to be the real wild card in tonight’s ceremony.
The Couple’s Choice Ceremony:
Summer & Chase are up first. They stay together. At Jenny’s prompting, Summer shares with the group that she and Chase shared their first kiss and it was awesome.
Jesse & Boobs McGee aka Funbags are up next. Jesse starts off by saying he would like to stay, but he knows there are several people who would say no to him, so he’s going to let his partner do the honor of sending him off to the unmatched area. Boobs McGee obliges and chooses Ben, who wastes no time in accepting her offer.
Yanina & Ken are next. Predicatably, they stay together.
Ryan & Jenna are next and Jenna is still looking pretty miserable. Jenny McCarthy reminds them that they can either stay together or save Ali or Jesse from elimination. Ryan thinks things are great with Jenna and asks her to stay with him, but just in case we were afraid there would be no drama at all at this ceremony, Jenna announces that she needs to “set something straight” before she answers Ryan. DUN. DUN. DUN!
Jenna tells Ryan that he’s one of the best guys she’s ever met and everything she could ever want in a guy, but in spite of that she’s going to have to friend zone him. In other words, it’s not you, it’s me, but really it’s you. Ryan is completely shocked. Per Jenny McCarthy, if four people end up in the unmatched area, all four will go home. She suggests Jenna & Ryan could just stick it out as friends and Jenna seems ok with that idea, but Ryan is looking all butt hurt and I don’t think he’s going to go for it. Plus seems like I remember them teasing a double elimination last week….
As I suspected, both of them end up in the unmatched area, thus providing Ali one last shot to be the drama queen of the week.
Ali now has to either choose Jesse or Ryan or go home. Ali tells Jenny that she feels like if she paired up with Jesse again, one of them might go home in a body bag. My money is on Jesse. We already know how devious Ali can be, thanks to the great towel caper of episode three! She thinks Ryan is a really great guy, but there’s no chemistry so she decides to head to the unmatched area. As promised last week, all four of the unmatched contestants will be headed home. Way to suck all the drama out of that one NBC!
Ryan is super pissed about getting blind sided by Jenna at the ceremony. Can’t say I blame him there. Jenna says she feels bad about that and about sending him “mixed signals.” Jesse is proud that he was “100% me” and he wishes that everyone else was the same and his biggest regret is not figuring out that Ali wasn’t a good match for him earlier on. Ali tells us that she thinks she kinda snapped and this experience has taught her that when she’s not matched with the right guy she can be a real “psycho bitch.” There is just so much wrong with that statement.
This week we say goodbye to pole expert Jesse, map forgetting Ryan, it’s not you, it’s me Jenna and all your towels are belong to us Ali. Sorry you didn’t find love in the wild! At least Jesse got laid.
The teaser for next week promises that the three remaining couples will be tested “like never before.” They also promise yet another twist. Yay! Tune in next week at 10EST/9CST for more Love in the Wild. If you’ve missed any of the previous episodes, be sure to check out my other recaps.