What would the final season of Gossip Girl be without one last Thanksgiving meltdown or two? “It’s Really Complicated” did exactly what we expected it to. Thankfully for us, it also did exactly what we wanted. It brought everyone together at one dinner table. Considering that these people hate each other and have for about six seasons, I’m happy to report that a turkey was wasted. Unfortunately for us, it’s not really that much fun to celebrate Thanksgiving a week late. Thanks, Superstorm Sandy. What a jerk and a half.
Dan (Penn Badgley) finished his Serena (Blake Lively) chapter! Meanwhile, Serena continued her junk food binge from last episode with an early dose of pumpkin pie in bed, completely oblivious to the fact that Dan had been writing under her nose. In a different bed, Chuck (Ed Westwick) boozed hard in his jammies as poor Monkey pined from outside the bedroom door. I wish I could start off my Thanksgivings like that. A few blocks over, Blair (Leighton Meester) prepared for a transatlantic trip to quell her annual urge for Thanksgiving scheming and plotting. Across the bridge, Rufus (Matthew Settle) prepped for a gig with Lisa Loeb in a shirt that’s perpetually on sale at Urban Outfitters. With Lily (Kelly Rutherford) and Bart (Robert John Burke) planning on skipping town, Serena and Dan decided to host their first Thanksgiving as a couple. Serena, backstabbing and bitching is one thing but don’t threaten the Upper East Side with your cooking.
Hey, remember last week when it seemed like Chuck was comforting Nate after Bart used him like a slave? Chuck’s mad at Nate now. If Nate hadn’t fudged his numbers, he could never have been used against Chuck. Nate’s really sorry, though. I mean, in reality it’s his life that’s completely screwed, not Chuck’s.
After sending out a few texts to the rest of the crew, Serena headed over to Blair’s place to invite her to Thanksgiving in person. Just like that, Blair canceled her trip, much to Dorota’s (Zuzanna Szadkowski) dismay. Blair was determined to break up Serena and that hipster Dan so she enlisted, ugh, Sage (Sofia Black D’Elia). I thought we were done with Sage. Blair concocted a plan to use Steven (Barry Watson) as a wedge between the couple. If Sage wanted to make things right with Nate, she would have to get her father and Serena back together. One episode she’s desperate to ruin their relationship, and the next she’ll do anything for Nate. Sage is a prop for these characters to further their schemes.
Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) sniffed out that something was up with Humphrey’s Serena chapter. Suspecting it to be some sort of twisted positive piece on how great Serena is, she gave Dan his first warning. The second came from Rufus, who turned down the invite to Thanksgiving but warned Dan that Van Der Woodsen women will never be satisfied with normal guys like themselves. They need a “Bart Bass”- type. Hey! Why not just sell-out entirely? Rufus’ depressing advice was enough to pressure Dan into sending some edits to his book agent. Georgina did her digging and found out that two versions of the Serena story were ready to be published. Dan would have until the end of the night to choose. Georgina’s coming to Thanksgiving!
In the mean time, Serena had been grocery shopping. I can end the recap here.
No, I can’t, but Serena grocery shopping was a spectacle. How did she not pass out? Blair’s scheme began there. She had Sage and Steven “bump into” Serena. There was only one turkey left, and Sage wouldn’t be caught dead eating chicken on Thanksgiving. They weaseled their way into an invite, as well. Remember when Steven dumped Serena over the sex-tape? Now he’s spiraled completely into a state of regret and devastation; The Serena charm.
News broke that Bruce Kaplan, the man who’d tipped Chuck off to the secrets of the painting, had died mysteriously aboard a Bass Industries yacht. If I could choose my death, I think that would be a way to go. Chuck wouldn’t hear it, but Nate was convinced Bart had something to do with it. Downstairs, Blair was distraught after finding herself banned from the Empire Hotel at Chuck’s request. She called Archibald down to help her out but ended up wrapped up in Nate’s snooping.
Blair upped her meddling to two plots at this point. Her second; to sneak into the Empire and convince Chuck to attend Thanksgiving. How would she do this? Like so:
Pocahontas stripper could do what Blair Waldorf could not. She got passed the doorman. After a little flirty convincing, Chuck agreed to accompany Blair under the impression that Lily and Bart would be away. If they could convince Lily to see that Bart had this man killed, it would be enough to get her to back Chuck. All Chuck really needs is a parent, not revenge. That’s the lesson here, right? The sheik who had sold Bart the oil also mysteriously died in an accident. Those were the only two men who could send Bart to prison. They’d need to connect the two deaths using Bart’s Internet records.
Everyone arrived at Serena’s soirée all at once. Of course, Lily and Bart had a change of heart, and Dan wasn’t informed prior that Steven and Sage would be shaking things up, too. A few weeks ago Serena and Steven were almost engaged, and now, he’s at Dan’s Thanksgiving dinner. Isn’t the real issue, though, that Serena was almost engaged a few weeks ago rather than that the guy is at Dan’s Thanksgiving? Dan is cooking, by the way. Serena didn’t want to kill anyone. By the way, who noticed that Blair dared to wear the same outfit she wore that morning while packing to Thanksgiving dinner?
How fun it would be to watch Chuck attempt to eat desserts in front of his father. Nate got cornered by Bart and Sage all at the same time. Seriously, could anything be worse? He decided to go with Sage, which was kind of silly considering Sage can’t send him to prison.
Speaking of Sage, we learned where she got her douchey personality from this week. Steven cranked up the volume on his tool meter upon officially meeting Dan. Referring to Dan as a rebound about to lose Serena, Steven neglected to realize that he looked like a jackass considering the fact that Dan cooked the entire meal and was hosting the event. Does he even realize her name isn’t “Sabrina” yet? Steven wasted no time trying to woo Serena, but she was very quick to deflect his come-ons. He was the rebound, not Dan. She left New York to escape the embarrassment of Dan being in love with Blair and rejecting her. Steven eats gluten free.
They don’t need a smoking gun, just a tiny thread to prove the murders were connected. Lily doesn’t care about something trivial like an oil embargo or dodging prison. Blair managed to rally up some of Bart’s possible passwords via Jack Bass, who’s always happy just to ruin anyone in general for sport. Nate had been upstairs with Sage attempting to log-in while Chuck whined about having to break bread with Bart.
Georgina showed up just in time to remind Dan to make the “right” decision by sending in the scathing Serena story as opposed to the sympathetic version he’d submitted. After reminding him of his ultimate goal, Dan made his decision.
Blair let it slip that Bruce died to Lily, who was immediately concerned regarding the circumstances. Falling off of a yacht in broad daylight and having no one even attempt a rescue is pretty sad. Upstairs, Nate kept Sage occupied while Chuck sifted through Bart’s files. Chuck eyed their make-out session for a moment, but Sage could care less. She invited him to watch.
Chuck: “She’s a keeper.”
Chuck managed to scrounge up some old documents surrounding the mysterious death of the sheik. Apparently, he was in a car loaned to him by Bass Industries. The car just happened to explode. After that revelation, Lily had to “go freshen up.” Bart cornered her upstairs in an attempt to alleviate her fears but only came off looking aggressive. Bart kind of looked like he was about to crack.
Downstairs, Blair realized Steven had left and wasted no time attempting to throw Humphrey under the bus. Well, Dan threw everyone else under the bus. He claims he’d done that because everyone threw him and all of his friends under the bus multiple times. Only, these were his friends?.. Who’s driving this bus? Anyway, Serena butted heads with Blair over the issue, insisting that she was meant to be with Dan.
Blair: “You must be in 7th Heaven!”
Just in time, Georgina revealed that “Golden Girl Falls From Grace: A Faux Love Story” had been published by Vanity Fair. Why are Vanity Fair readers so obsessed with random people from the Upper East Side? Granted, they’re popular kids, but would the common reader really care about the likes of Serena? Serena read the article in private and from what she previewed, it seemed super harsh. Honestly, I thought she handled the situation really well. Dan tried to convince her that his feelings and their time spent together were real, but that the story was still the truth. Pretty weak excuse, Humphrey. Dan claimed that this was payback for making him feel like a visitor in “her world.”
Serena: “Do you feel better about taking the subway to school since you made a fool of me to everyone?”
That was enough to take Dan down a peg, if you ask me. Outside the room, Blair offered Serena her condolences through an offering of pie. Pumpkin? Apple? Serena chose both, of course, because she eats everything. Did anyone else get uncomfortable when Serena decided to emotionally eat massive amounts of pie considering the first season’s Gossip Girl Thanksgiving extravaganza centered around Blair’s eating disorder and her wolfing down an entire pie? Well, they didn’t remember, so why should we?
After a few moments of scary intimidation, Lily waltzed back downstairs to apologize to Chuck… for even suggesting he try to reconcile with Bart. As it turns out, she decided to back her husband over him.
Nate: “Hey, Dan, before you go…” *punch* “That was from all of us!”
Well that felt good.
Bart covertly handed Dan a business card as he left, congratulating him on his article. I’m sure Lily would love that Bart enjoyed the article lampooning her daughter as an empty blonde shell. She’s a bombshell!
The episode closed with Bart and Lily talking alone post-dinner. Lily decided to take a few days away to clear her head, and Bart agreed that it was a good idea. In reality, Lily couldn’t wait to call Chuck from her limo to inform him that his plan had worked. Lily is afraid of Bart and was truly trying to apologize to Chuck at Thanksgiving. Bart just blew her opportunity. Using CeCe’s diamond appraisal lens, she managed to view the information on the microfilm before burning it and she agreed to send what she remembered to Chuck. Will it be interesting information considering it wasn’t enough to bring her to Chuck to begin with? Whatever, it was enough for Chuck to lift his ban on Blair and invite her over for champagne.
In Brooklyn, a down-and-out Dan ran back to Rufus, who was willing to criticize Dan’s method of telling the “truth.” Now Dan is just like Bart Bass so he can finally win over Serena forever? Was that what I was to gather? Dan revealed that he does, indeed, have a grand master plan. Who is the star of “The Final Chapter”? Sorry to spoil you, but I’d bet anything that it’s him. “How Lonely Boy Became a Bass: Not like the fish, like the man.” Could Dan Humphrey be waiting till the finale to publish that he is Gossip Girl in Vanity Fair?
Meanwhile, Bart decided to flex his power over Nate yet again, commanding he meet with him in the morning for another powwow surrounding the destruction of Chuck. Sage thought that criminal Nate was hot.
Sound off below! What did you all think of the episode? Who is the star of “The Final Chapter”? Will Serena and Dan end up together? Will Chuck and Blair? Who’s ready for Jenny Humphrey to come back? How will Gossip Girl end? What would you like to see happen?