Reality TV

Bachelor In Paradise – Live Blog and Recap – Episode 4 (VIDEO)

Welcome to the live blog and recap for Episode 4 of Bachelor In Paradise!

The women are handing out the roses tonight, which puts the men in danger of going home at the rose ceremony!

Tonight, we pick up from last night’s massive cliffhanger, as Jared receives a date card and asks out Clare, upsetting Ashley I. and angering Mikey T. in the process. With sister Lauren having left Paradise, Ashley I. is more vulnerable than ever, while Mikey T.’s rejection by Clare has essentially made him a ticking time bomb. And it’s looking like the lid is about to blow on all this drama!

Keep it locked right here, as I’ll be updating at each commercial break with recap, analysis and more. Let’s get this show on the road!

Bachelor In Paradise - Live Blog and Recap - Episode 4 (VIDEO)

EVERYBODY LOVES/HATES JARED

So Mikey is still being a child about the whole Clare thing, saying she “whipped out her t*ts” when Jared asked her out, and then says she was wrong to lead him on with innuendos, as if they were just going to take it slow. However, he then says that Clare is old news…while also complaining that there aren’t many options left. Ugh, it’s rare that I turn on someone this fast, but Mikey can just go home right now, for all I care. I suppose the one positive in this is that he seems less mad at Jared now. That said, I don’t trust he doesn’t still hate the guy.

Meanwhile, Clare and Jared are having the perfect date, as they prepare to go bungee-jumping into the ocean together. Clare compares Jared to Superman, and implies there’s going to be “major motion in the ocean” on this date. Back at Paradise, however, Ashley I. is rambling on about how Clare is eight years older than Jared, and is basically going after him the way a cougar would. Naturally, Ashley I. somehow fails to recognize that, for some men, this is a good thing. Case in point, when Clare shows fear and doubt about bungee-jumping (“No falls, no balls!” the warning sign reads, as if calling paying customers chickens will ease their fears), he lays one on her. And yeah, it looks like Clare is practically in love with him already just from that one kiss. Hell, she kisses him right back, and then jumps with him (screaming like a wild banshee in the process). She later states that if Jared plays his cards right, he’ll be getting “a dozen roses” from her, which I don’t think she intended to serve as a double entendre, but it wouldn’t be the first bit of phrasing tonight.

In other news, Joe has gone from standoffish with Juelia to actively avoiding her, it seems. At least, that’s what Ashley S. observes, and she’s right. Joe bails on Juelia to go and talk to the others about how hyped he is to meet Samantha from Chris’s season. He’s disappointed to learn she’s only into “pretty boys”. However, another love triangle is brewing acoss the beach. In fact, it’s becoming a love square…

ELEVENLEY

Michael (from Desiree’s season) arrives in Paradise, and he immediately seeks out Tenley. Apparently, she’s the reason this Harvard-educated lawyer came to Paradise in the first place, saying that while her name is Tenley, he thinks she’s an “Elevenley” — a line so gloriously awful that it might be the greatest thing anyone on this show has ever said. Sure enough, Tenley seems taken by Michael’s earnest pursuit, immediately agreeing to go on a date with him when he offers her his date card. Of course, this sets Joshua and JJ on ease, as they both had their sights set on Tenley. For once, JJ is legitimately concerned about another male, admitting that Michael is a threat not only to him, but to everyone here. However, JJ is hoping that Michael will be able to knock Joshua out of the running altogether, and bring this love square back down to a triangle.

Meanwhile, Mikey gets downright thirsty, taking Juelia aside to make a case for why she should ditch Jonathan and Joe in favor of him. He basically implies that she’s been wasting her time with the wrong guys, and that he could be the right one for her, although Juelia doesn’t seem very responsive to the pitch, particularly when he tries to make out with her. SO cringe-worthy, dude. And he keeps trying to go in for it, but failing. Juelia seems flattered by it, but states that it would have been different if he’d done that on the first night. However, it’s kind of late for that now, since she’s made connections. Naturally, Joe seems to recognize that Juelia is his only ticket to staying in Paradise, and starts worrying. He tells the people he’s with to keep an eye out for Juelia, presumably because he doesn’t want to end up losing her to some dunce, although I’m not sure whether Mikey or Joe would be worse for her at this point.

On the date, held at a location where the restaurant was covered by a thin film of water on the floor (which makes them look like they’re walking on the ocean), Michael confirms he’s just positively smitten with Tenley. He straight up tells her she’s his Plan A, going on to note in a confessional that her positivity is one of the most attractive things about her. He kisses her, and then — in the most adorable moment of this season — Tenley thanks him for kissing her. Seriously, so happy for this woman, who went from having no one to suddenly having three guys going to war over her.

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Back at Paradise, Clare thanks Jared for the date, saying he really rocked her world. However, Jared seems lost for words to say in return, and basically bumbles. In fact, it’s quite a bit worse than that, as he states that he’s unsure about the relationship because Clare is eight years older than he is. Naturally, Clare doesn’t take this well, although she responds with far more maturity and even-keeled demeanor than I expected. No tears, just the simple declaration that she can’t change their age difference. In a confessional, she pretty much rescinds her attraction, stating that she doesn’t feel there’s a future with Jared. Hell, I don’t blame her. At this point, I don’t even know what Jared is doing in Paradise. He seems to be into certain people while simultaneously appearing to be into no one.

But back to Tenley and Michael, as a Mariachi band arrives, and the couple dances under the watery moonlight. Tenley is now wracked with guilt over the decision she’s going to have to make at the rose ceremony. For other women, making a choice at the rose ceremony means breaking one heart. But no matter what choice Tenley makes, she’ll be hurting two guys. So yeah, I can’t imagine this is going to be fun for her, even given how quickly she want to having nobody to having seemingly everyone. The struggle is real.

PARTY PEOPLE, IN THE PLACE TO BE

So the cocktail party is on, and Chris Harrison explains that three guys will be going home tonight. Joe speaks up and talks to Chris about the awkwardness and difficulty of the situation, prompting Juelia to assure Joe — in front of everybody — that he’ll be getting her rose. This prompts Ashley S. to roll her eyes, since she feels Joe is obviously not into Juelia. Ashley S. once again reiterates — in a confessional — that Juelia left her daughter for this, but Joe is basically just toying with her, and that’s unfair. Both Jonathan and Mikey take Juelia aside and try to tell her Joe’s true intentions, but she’s taking their words with a grain of salt, since they’re on the chopping block, so they have ulterior motives. Juelia takes Joe aside and questions him about his intentions, and he essentially confirms Juelia’s doubts about Jonathan and Mikey’s ulterior motives, saying they’re just trying to save their own skins. He then kisses Juelia and asks if she has any questions about his intentions now. That pretty much silences Juelia, who declares she’s going to take a leap of faith with Joe.

Of course, Joe’s confessional reveals his own ulterior motives: he’s still sore about Samantha not being here, so he’s just going to make the best of his situation until she does get here, and that means pairing up with Juelia to get her rose. He openly states he doesn’t give any f***s, “Just gimme that rose!” Then he goes on a tirade to the producers in a grim sequel to last night’s disgusting rant, stating that he’d beat Jonathan’s brains in for talking trash, and adds that if they were back in Kentucky, Mikey would meet his brass knuckles. Can we PLEASE get rid of Joe?! Holy hell, this guy is a piece of work.

Mikey confronts Joe to discuss the tension between them, and Mikey says he’ll drop the complaint if Joe can look him in the eye, man-to-man, and say he isn’t just politicking for Juelia’s rose. Joe looks him dead in the eye, and states he does like Juelia, and he isn’t trying to use her. Joe declares that Mikey has been the one talking to all these other girls, whereas he himself has only been talking with Juelia. Mikey nods along and decides to drop the issue, prompting Joe to laugh to himself once Mikey leaves, stating that he made Mikey his “bitch”. He then goes and does the same to Jonathan, guilt-tripping him into apologizing by stating that Jonathan should have come to him first before going to Juelia.

Jonathan starts to feel guilty, saying he was roped into “this game we have to play” to stick around, but Joe feels the best way Jonathan can make this right is to go up to Juelia and take back everything he said to her earlier. And he DOES! He walks right up to Juelia (with Joe sitting right next to her) and declares he’s a “f*** up” who talked bad about a friend who’s only ever been good to him. Seriously, it’s kind of amazing how effortlessly Joe manipulated the situation, getting Mikey to back off and Jonathan to break down into tears over the guilt he feels. Joe even has to go track Jonathan down after he locks himself in the bathroom to cry from the shame of it all, prompting Joe to comfort his friend by saying “You made it right” and reminding him that his son would be proud. Nevermind that, just seconds earlier, Joe stated in a confessional, “I made Mikey my bitch, and Jonathan came up to me like I was his pimp.” Joe is disgusting, but he’s an amazing social manipulator. Dude should be on Survivor.

ROSE CEREMONY

Tenley is still unsure who’s going to get her rose, even with the ceremony only moments away. She admits that her love triangle has become a love square, and “It’s time to think outside the box.” As for Ashley I., she finally gets the moment she’s been waiting for, as Jared seeks her out and admits they do have a connection, and he wants to explore that. He then lays a huge kiss on her, which quickly turns passionate. Of course, Ashley I. sort of blows the moment by saying he kissed her as well as he kissed Kaitlyn. But it’s mostly a cute moment, nonetheless.

But things are far less cute for Clare, who has no one right now. Everyone has paired off, and she feels she might be going home. When the entire cast is gathered in the bungalow, Clare decides to make a foolish speech about how she genuinely came here for love, and how the cast she was here with last year were here for love as well, as opposed to the cast this year. “I’ve yet to hear one of my friends say, ‘Clare, what makes you happy?'” What does that even MEAN?! At the risk of paroting a horrific reality show cliche, nobody is here to make friends. They’re here to find love. Why should any of them care about Clare, really? Does she even remember how awful last season went for her? Talk about rose-colored nostalgia goggles.

Jade declares it “some weird, show-boaty speech” and she’s not far off at all. In fact, she calls Clare out at the rose ceremony, saying she was offended by the speech. “I’m here for love,” Jade says, and she goes on to state that everyone else is here for love too. Clare’s response? “If the shoe fits, wear it.” Man alive, Clare could not POSSIBLY be a bigger baby right now.

Anyway, it’s time to start handing out roses:

Carly gives her rose to Kirk
Ashley S. gives her rose to Dan
Jade gives her rose to Tanner
Tenley gives her rose to Joshua (really?!)

And now, Clare has a meltdown, storming off the set and tearfully telling Chris Harrison she doesn’t feel right being here. This ends on a cliffhanger, with an incomplete rose ceremony and no promise that Clare is going anywhere.

That’s a wrap on tonight’s episode! What did you think of tonight’s Bachelor In Paradise? Sound off in the comments!

And for more on Bachelor In Paradise, check out some highlight videos from the premiere of the live Bachelor In Paradise aftershow, After Paradise!

Until next week, thank you for reading!

GOODNIGHT!

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